One of the things that is interesting about healing from
addiction to alcohol or other drugs is that a person has the ability to pick
the type and level of emotional pain they want to go through when in recovery.
The
alcoholic or drug addict lifestyle is marked by pain. It is long-term emotional
pain that is carried over from the tendency to avoid dealing with the people,
places, things, and situations that ordinarily occur in life. In effect, the
active alcoholic or addict makes a deliberate attempt to get around problems,
get over on situations, or otherwise avoid dealing with the short term pains of
life. They refuse to deal with a troubled relationship. They find ways to get
around the law. They lie, cheat and steal their way through life. They rely on instant
gratification of their needs by accepting short-term gains. And they postpone
the inevitable pain that stems from this behavior. That long-term pain comes in
the form of guilt, shame, embarrassment, lack of productivity, poor
relationships, and other negative consequences that dog a person for a long
time.
Rule of
thumb: Short-term gain equals long-term
pain.
In recovery,
people flip the script of the active alcoholic or drug addict lifestyle.
Instead of going for short term payoffs, they will often deliberately set
themselves on a course to actually experience and work through the tougher
things of life. They do not avoid the pain that comes from confronting another
person over how that person may be hurting them, or the regret for avoiding the
wedding where they know there will be an open bar, or the discomfort of having
to go to a 12-Step meeting instead of bowling with the team that night.
Recovering people welcome the short-term pain of life’s normal course and learn
how to cope and endure the discomfort that often comes from having to make the
hard choices. They reap the harvest of delaying gratification, putting up with
annoyances, and doing the hard work of recovery. For this, these people enjoy
the benefits of long-term gain. They feel capable, productive, confident, and
often very serene. They remain clean and sober. They stay in recovery.
Rule of
thumb: Short-term pain equals long-term
gain.
That’s how
it is that recovering people can pick the level of pain they want to endure.
They are able to choose between the long-term pain of ever-present sadness,
guilt, shame, loss of self-esteem, and problem relationships. Or, they can go
through the short-term pain of being exasperated, disturbed, discomforted,
annoyed, frustrated or pained. They can choose to feel the short-term blast of
pleasure and feelings of temporary gain by avoiding. Or, they can select the
long-term gains of serenity, joy, happiness and sobriety that are caused by
being engaged.
Sometimes it
is not easy to make this choice. “Getting over” behaviors are ingrained in many
alcoholics and drug addicts who are in recovery. These inappropriate and
sometimes illegal behaviors are meant to take advantage of other people and
situations. This is sometimes driven by childhood insecurities or
powerlessness, or learned from other people. Sometimes, this behavior is as
automatic as the addiction was.
To correct
his thinking it is necessary to first learn how to be self-observant, or what
is called mindful, of attitudes and
behaviors that might be causing the need to take the quick fix, short term gain
approach. New behaviors and skills need to be built on a new self-concept that
is tied to new personal goals. In that way, a person can learn that they do not
need to get over in order to get ahead.
The short-term gain equals long-term pain, and
short-term pain equals long-term gain formula for healthy thinking leads
to sustained recovery from addictions of all kinds.
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