Resolutions...

A friend of mine and I were discussing New Year's resolutions the other day and she asked me what mine were. I stumbled. I had not really thought about making resolutions in the new year, and my hesitancy showed because I could not immediately think of any one thing that I resolve to do in 2012.

I said that I planned to finish my dissertation and get my PhD. I also said I hope to remain healthy and strong, and that I hoped I would be able to handle whatever came my way during the year. I also said that I plan to stay in touch with my family and friends. But, that's about it. You can see by the weakness of my response - and the fact that none of these are really resolutions in the first place - that I hadn't put much thought into this.

I think I know why. To have resolve for something is to have commitment. In the case of New Year's resolutions, the issue always seems to be whether or not I have the resolve to follow through on what it is that I say I'm going to do. Am I committed, all in, as they say in poker, and willing to make the sacrifice that may be necessary to fulfill my commitment? That's the big question at this time of year. the trouble seems to be that I am reluctant to make a commitment to anything that smacks of change.

It's clear what I ought to do. I ought to make a resolution to lose weight. I ought to be prepared to shed some pounds in favor of my health and happiness. But, I wonder why I don't do that. It's also clear that I ought to resolve to save money from each paycheck. I also wonder why I don't do that except on the days when I see how close to the financial bone I sometimes have to work. I guess it would also be nice to resolve to walk more and get more exercise in general. Yet, I can't seem to get beyond the uncomfortability and inconvenience of doing that.

So, there are several things I ought to be resolving to do that I'm not. My rationale for this is that I have plenty on my plate now and that I need to follow through on resolutions I made long ago...going for the PhD, working hard at keeping my job, and maintaining a solid relationship with family and friends. Of course the big one is the resolve to remain clean and sober and practice some form of spirituality in my life. But, that is all part of previous years' resolutions that haven't got much to do with new ones for 2012.

I know what I'll do. I'll make the resolution that I will do one kind, thoughtful and unrecognized act of giving a week for the year. This may be something as helpful as donating time to a local food shelter, to continuing a commitment I have through Narcotics Anonymous to bring a meeting into a local detox center each month, to doing a silent act of charity for someone. The trouble of course is that I suppose I have already not fulfilled it because I have announced I will do these things (in violation fo the "unrecognized" part of the resolution), but I guess everyone will just have to wonder whether I actually follow through.

Finding out that will just have to wait until next year when I review what I've done. Until then, Happy New Year!

All the best, Roger W.