The photo headlining this week's post was taken at about 4am. I remember I had difficulty sleeping that night and thought, in the middle of the insomnia, that I'd go out a make photos (a la Kertesz) of Washington at night. Of course, I came no where near the beauty that Kertesz was able to conjure out of the late night streets of Paris he photographed in the late 1800s, but I did come away with a few portfolio grade photographs that are memorable. I think this is one.
It was 1985 and I was really at the height of my photographic prowess. I had been making photographs since 1981 as a freelancer who managed to scrape by on a few assignments here and there and sell some stock photos. I was also a taxi driver and a bartender through most of it all because I couldn't live on just my photo revenues. If it weren't for my wife at the time, I never would have been able to photograph and would have had to find "real" work.
My photographs always seemed rather pedestrian at first...nothing remarkable and no discernable style or focus. So, absent a real signature appearance, I labeled myself a documentary photographer and did the best I could. It wasn't until 1985 that I began to wrangle the technical aspects of photography - film-based technology now eclipsed by the digital era - to my liking. This photograph is remarkable for its clarity and precision...taken on 35mm film (Kodachrome, although this is the black and white version) at a very slow shutter speed to get the blurry flag and sharpest image of the dome. I actually sold the rights to this once although I can't remember to whom.
It is also all the more remarkable because just as I was reaching the peak of my technical proficiency and making a decent wage at the craft, I quit. It was the year I decided to join the National Enquirer photo staff and I left actual photographing behind that year to become a editor. This is something I would not choose to do today. But...I had my reasons.
Earlier that year I lost my uncle Ray to a car accident and I was very sad about his death. I admired him and, although he was drunk much of the time, I thought he was a skilled welder and hard worker. Besides, he always had a farm and I loved being near his animals when I was a kid. His death made me very sad for a long time.
So too was I mourning the loss of my best friend at the time...Homer Page. He died in September of that year. He was my mentor, my friend and the most important man in my life at the time. He was the one who encouraged my photography (was an immensely important photographer of the 1940-50s) and made me believe I could be whoever I wanted to be. His loss was so great I still miss him to this day.
There was ample reason to abandon photography during the depression I was suffering in the Winter of 1985. It was also the kind of thing I would do then under the influence of alcohol and drugs...not being able to make a clear decision about my future. In a few years I would be diagnosed with BiPolar I, and it is a characteristic of that disease that people make incredibly bad choices under stress. As I said, I wouldn't make the decision to quit photographing today, but, at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do.
So, this photograph above means a lot more than just a picture of the Capitol dome. It's an icon of what I was capable of doing with an art form and a symbol of how terrible my decision-making was at the time. Today, it's all better because, while I'm not sure I could make the same quality image again today, I am clean and sober and making many better decisions than I used to.
All the best, Roger W.
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