Transformation...

I saw this painting on a website recently and it immediately made me think of the spiritual nature of recovery from addiction.

Painted by Victor Bregeda in 2004, Transformation is a painting that looks at first glance to be just a decorative piece of artwork. There are very bright blossoms in the branches of a tree in the center that seems to be springing from the pages of a book. It's colors are pleasant, soothing and inviting.

But, soon, an intense look at the painting reveals much more than decorative art. After a while, one sees that the blossoms are really butterflies. And, there is a man, standing on a great hand that is fluttering the pages of the book, who seems to be poking at the butterfly/blossoms. The man appears to have gotten to the top by climbing a ladder. The fluttering pages suggest change and, when one sees a caterpillar crawling in the background, one is reminded how butterflies come to be.

The profound, secret meaning of the painting is then revealed...the metamorphosis from the slow-going caterpillar to the beautiful winged butterfly symbolizes the immortality and transformation of man's soul on the way to God. And, God, whose hand flips through the pages of life to reveal the caterpillars and butterflies, allows man to stand high after climbing up the ladder of life. It's as if there is some divine dialogue going on here between man and God. Here, revealing life's true meaning through flipping the pages of life before him, God is turning over the pages of His scared words. He is revealing the secrets of the universe through the symbols of a delicate, but hearty butterfly, that is being probed by the small figure of man who is trying to figure out how the butterfly became transformed from the caterpillar.

We are seekers of truth and we strive to understand the world that God has revealed to us through our ordinary experience of life. Some of us are cynical and refuse to accept that mankind has spiritually evolved from an Earth-based nature (the caterpillar) to the Heavenly-based potential (the butterfly) in every person's life.  Some do not see the beauty inherent in this transformation of the spirit. Some refuse to accept that the point upon which they stand (the hand of God itself) is a vantage point that will allow them to see the entire universe unfold before them in beauty and grandeur.

At this stage of my life and recovery it is important to me to acknowledge and validate the wonderful feeling of connectedness to this butterfly universe that courses through my mind and body. In many respects, I feel a profound sense of sadness and loss for those who have not found this in their own lives. But, I urge anyone seeking a better life to continue to strive, like the caterpillar, and look forward to the transformation.

All the best, Roger W.

Ramblings of the mind...

Some thoughts that have been kicking around in my mind...

There's a new magazine that's out called Renew that is aimed at the recovering community. I'm not sure what the distribution of this is, or who the publisher really is. The mast says it comes from Chicago by way of Renew Media LLC in New York state. But, the scuttlebutt is that a well-known treatment and publishing center in the mid-West (a place I cannot mention in my blog because of rules where I work) is the real publisher. It's hard to tell. The magazine has two very large ads for this treatment center and its publishing arm, and they are scattered all over the place at the facility where I work. So, there's a very good chance this is really an in-house promotional piece for recovery masquerading as a real mass-media magazine. Regardless, the magazine has a lot of appeal. Its articles are varied and interesting. It is a combination of old school pop psychology and new age speak about recovery, body balance, and nutrition. Look for it on your local new stand.

There's a new web page called In The Rooms that is also targeting people in recovery. The website offers what they call the world's largest free online social network for the global recovery community. It seems like a safe and secure place to find old friends, make new friends, seek help in recovery, create a group, find a local meeting of a variety of 12 Step programs, listen to speaker tapes, and send instant messages. Apparently there are more than 120,000 members already (I signed up) in over 50 countries. More than 17 fellowships are represented in their various rooms. So, check out www.intherooms.com and see what interests you in recovery.

One of the part of In The Rooms is the speakers tapes section. I found a young man named Alf J there, a Canadian who delivered a short speech to a group in Canada at one time. He makes a lot of sense about what the 12 Steps of recovery mean to someone who has been clean a while - he said he's been sober since 2003. I thought you might want to listen about the spiritual journey this man is on, so I've enclosed a link here to listen to it...takes about 17 minutes.... just copy the following link and past it into your url address bar:  http://www.intherooms.com/library/speaker?filter=aa.

Everything else seems to be going reasonably well today. As they say, a bad day clean is better than any good day using, and that applies to me today.

All the best, Roger W.

New Chapter...

Hi Folks... Hurrah! Exams are finally over, and I'm just waiting for the grades!

Now that my formal coursework and tests are over it's time to turn toward the dissertation phase of my Ph.D. program. I've already got a title and have begun working on it: "The Lived Experience of a Spiritual Transformation in the Everyday Lives of Alcoholic Men in Recovery". (The hoped-for book would be titled: "Celebrating Serenity... the spiritual journeys of 8 men in recovery", but that's another story.) There are any number of hoops I still have to jump through in order for this to be accepted by my Dean and the Dissertation Committee that will work with me on this project for the next 18-24 months. But, it feels good to have the academics behind me.

All of this got me thinking about the spiritual aspects of my progress through the Ph.D. program. Indeed, much of what I have been through these past three years has been spiritually inspired and supported. I have never been quite able to pinpoint why it is that I chose to take up a Ph.D. study program at this stage in my life. Surely, I like the academic atmosphere and the learning. But, an on-line process is really different than the feel of a traditional bricks and mortar school I am most familiar with and I often wonder how I have sustained myself with the program. I think a lot of it has to do with a "power greater than myself" as the 12 Step programs say.

Certainly there is a lot of internal confusion about this, as I begin the process of the dissertation, to pinpoint my own belief system and how I stand in relation to spiritual principles. It has been an on-going process for years now that has to suddenly come to a head because of the nature of my dissertation project. I have chosen a format for the dissertation that will be autobiographical material melded with the stories of eight men who are also in recovery. So, I will be asking myself questions of a spiritual nature that are substantially the same ones I will be asking my research participants. It will be important for me to find, within, the sources of my spiritual energy and it will come from the deep places inside me that are tied directly to my recovery. The confusion arises as I start out because I have, for so many years and like so many people, taken issues of spirituality for granted in my life and not tried to come to a reconciliation of exactly where I stand with issues of God, principles, and the afterlife.

Now, like luggage in the backseat of the car that suddenly comes to a stop, all that "baggage" in my spiritual life comes rushing to the front with this project. It is a little scary and a lot of work, but there is something inside that impels me on this journey. It think it is my spiritual self and the power that I have identified as being in the universe onto which I can attach my mind and soul that moves me so.

How wonderful this all feels that my academic career would bring me to this point. I started this journey as an undergraduate Philosophy major at Stonehill College, got a master's degree in Psychology at Cambridge College, and now find myself at the end of my trek as a doctoral student with a dissertation that is a blend of both disciplines. My Higher Power works in strange and wonderful ways.

Off we go into the wild, blue yonder, "trudging toward my happy destiny" as Bill W. said in the Big Book! I look forward to keeping you informed of the progress.

All the best, Roger