Transformation...

I saw this painting on a website recently and it immediately made me think of the spiritual nature of recovery from addiction.

Painted by Victor Bregeda in 2004, Transformation is a painting that looks at first glance to be just a decorative piece of artwork. There are very bright blossoms in the branches of a tree in the center that seems to be springing from the pages of a book. It's colors are pleasant, soothing and inviting.

But, soon, an intense look at the painting reveals much more than decorative art. After a while, one sees that the blossoms are really butterflies. And, there is a man, standing on a great hand that is fluttering the pages of the book, who seems to be poking at the butterfly/blossoms. The man appears to have gotten to the top by climbing a ladder. The fluttering pages suggest change and, when one sees a caterpillar crawling in the background, one is reminded how butterflies come to be.

The profound, secret meaning of the painting is then revealed...the metamorphosis from the slow-going caterpillar to the beautiful winged butterfly symbolizes the immortality and transformation of man's soul on the way to God. And, God, whose hand flips through the pages of life to reveal the caterpillars and butterflies, allows man to stand high after climbing up the ladder of life. It's as if there is some divine dialogue going on here between man and God. Here, revealing life's true meaning through flipping the pages of life before him, God is turning over the pages of His scared words. He is revealing the secrets of the universe through the symbols of a delicate, but hearty butterfly, that is being probed by the small figure of man who is trying to figure out how the butterfly became transformed from the caterpillar.

We are seekers of truth and we strive to understand the world that God has revealed to us through our ordinary experience of life. Some of us are cynical and refuse to accept that mankind has spiritually evolved from an Earth-based nature (the caterpillar) to the Heavenly-based potential (the butterfly) in every person's life.  Some do not see the beauty inherent in this transformation of the spirit. Some refuse to accept that the point upon which they stand (the hand of God itself) is a vantage point that will allow them to see the entire universe unfold before them in beauty and grandeur.

At this stage of my life and recovery it is important to me to acknowledge and validate the wonderful feeling of connectedness to this butterfly universe that courses through my mind and body. In many respects, I feel a profound sense of sadness and loss for those who have not found this in their own lives. But, I urge anyone seeking a better life to continue to strive, like the caterpillar, and look forward to the transformation.

All the best, Roger W.

A Useful Metaphor...

When I am trying to explain the power of the disease of addiction to one of my patients, I sometimes use an escalator as a metaphor to describe how relapse works in the lives of recovering people.

Have you ever tried to walk up a "down" escalator? Most of us have tried this when we were kids. There's a certain thrill as we run up the moving steps and try to beat the constant flow of stairs moving against us.

In every respect, this is like the disease of addiction.

An escalator going down can easily represent the disease of addiction: It is constantly moving and changing and going in only one direction...down. It is trying to take us from a high place to a low one. It is trying to use its considerable power to transport us, change us, from one condition (being someplace we might not want to be) to another place (someplace we think is better).

So too, the disease of addiction is pulling at a recovering person to change his or her place in recovery. The disease is going only in one direction...down...and its considerable energy will transport us from someplace where the disease does not want to be (in recovery) to another place (relapse). And, this energy pushing down is relentless, powerful and aggressive.

Now...what happens when you start walking up this down escalator? When you jump on you immediately recognize that you must either keep up with the downward pressure or move faster than it in order to not be dragged down to the bottom. So, most people find the pace of the escalator and climb with a steady gait. The trouble with this solution is that sooner or later you notice that you are not going anywhere, get bored or fatigued, and generally give in soon to the pressure and give up. There are adventurous souls who want to climb to the top by going faster than the speed of the stairs, and they begin their ascent. They run up the stairs by leaps and bounds, or they make steady headway with a pace faster than the escalator, and sooner or later, they end up at the top having beaten the system arranged against them.

So too with recovery. If you generally just try to keep pace with the forces of relapse that are arrayed against you, sooner or later you realize that this is boring, you get fatigued and give up to those pressures and let them drag you down. If your strategy after a period of time of trying to keep pace is to rest for a moment and stand still on the stairs, you soon notice that the pressure of relapse keeps moving you down...you cannot stand pat in your recovery. But, if your strategy is to move continuously forward in recovery, you will move at a pace that is faster than the forces that would bring you down and you will eventually beat out some of those forces by reaching the goal of serenity.

I mention this to people who seem to be stuck in recovery, or listless and drifting, or even those who want to take a break from the rigor of striving against the powerful relapse warning signs, triggers and high risk situations that are arrayed against them daily. It's not enough to just keep pace with these signs of relapse, and it's certainly not sufficient to stand pat for a while when just trying to gather yourself together enough to figure out what is going on. Regrettably, a recovering person must always be moving forward in their recovery lest the forces of relapse surrounding them take over their recovery pace and push them down into full-blown chaos again.

I think this metaphor is useful to describe the forces of any addiction that is working against a person's recovery. Whether it be alcohol or other drugs, food, sex, gambling, spending, hoarding, or any type of compulsive behavior, there are forces that can drag a person down and spur a relapse. The solution is to have a child-like approach to life and scramble forward at a pace greater than these forces.

So long as I follow that way I have nothing to fear.

All the best, Roger W.

It's time to get back to work!

After more than nine months away from this blog, it's time to get back at it.

A lot has happened during this time, and I've debated whether or not I ought to talk about it all in this space. In every respect, I have thought of The Happy Hour as a place to talk about spirituality and growth in recovery, and not so much a place to talk about problems. But, I think the mention of them is unavoidable because, ultimately, my experience during the past several months speaks directly to the influence of spirituality in my life.

I struggled at work starting in October last year, and, right up until about three weeks ago, I wasn't certain if I would have a job at my current employer (a place that forbids me from using its name in this blog) or not. As it turns out, I did stay with that employer, albeit in a very different capacity than I was in before. Now, after months of wrangling, I've landed on my feet as an outpatient counselor in a clinic not far from my home. It's a good thing too because I needed to stay with that employer in order to ensure I had health insurance.

The health insurance problem came about because in February I found out that the cancer that I was operated on for in 2004 has reoccurred. As the doctors at the Mayo Clinic put it, I have about a quarter of a raindrop-sized collection of cancer cells in the prostate bed in my lower abdomen. We know this because the PSA count - the way in which doctors measure if cancer is growing - stands at .25 on a large scale that can extend up to 20-30. Now, that isn't altogether that bad except that it ought to be zero because I do not have a prostate that would be generating the antigens that the PSA test measures. So, .25 is a significant enough level for doctors to start worrying about it. They say that we will not have to treat the cancer until the level is between 1.0 and 2.0, so there may be a fair amount of time before something has to happen. My next test is June 29th, so more will be known at that time as to how fast this is growing.

The health insurance part was a problem because, should I have had to leave my employer anytime this past winter and spring, I would not have been insured by a new health plan because the cancer reoccurrence would be considered a pre-existing condition. Lots of worry for several months as I tried to figure out how to get a new job within the same company.

Well...it did work out. And, I'm grateful for that.

One of the things that helped me get through this mess this year was the strength that I got from a new partner. Twyla came into my life at just about the same time I got the news about the cancer. What a blessing and breath of fresh air. She is one of those people who you think you have known all your life despite the fact you may have just met her. She's warm and kind, interested in you and what is happening to you, considerate and patient to the max, and very supportive of who you are as a person. She is a registered nurse and was a great support to me when we thought I might have an advanced form of cancer. She insists on being positive and aggressively pursues healthy outlets like going the the YMCA, bicycle riding, walking the dog twice a day and eating healthfully...all things I struggle with as a man. She supplements me beautifully.

I am very grateful for her in my life.

Add to all this that I am still toiling away at the dissertation and maybe you get a fix on why it is that I let the blog slip to the wayside for a while. Well...I'm back. And, I want to tell the story I have described above as a great lesson in spirituality for me. There were several points this past winter when I wanted to call it quits, march into the boss's office and tell her to stick the job and all that goes with it. And, there were many times when I wanted to give up about the cancer because I started to fantasize about the utter futility of treating it again. But, in both cases, I let the problem go. I let it go so that it could be dealt with within the great cosmic system of my belief in a higher power that guides life for me. Somehow, for some reason, I had to go through what I went through with the job and the cancer these past six months. I may not know why for a long time, but I do believe that eventually it will all come together and I will understand why life unfolded for me this way in 2011.

Until that time, I intend to continue to practice a program of recovery based on knowing that I cannot control the great forces that seen to run the world and my part in it. Instead, all I can do is have faith that life goes the way it ought to and that, as it says in the AA Big Book on page 417..."Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake."

All the best, Roger

Just for Today...

My Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous fell from my desk recently and flipped open to page 100. "Just for Today" is written on that page, and I took it as a sign that there was a need for me to review that series of slogans in my life. It goes like this:

Tell yourself:

Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Just for today I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Just for today I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Just for today through NA I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Just for Today I will be unafraid, my thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and who have found a new ways of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Some of you may recognize a few of these phrases for I have consistently used parts of Just for Today in several blog entries. There is a reason for that...I believe wholeheartedly in what this says because Just for Today saved my life.

When I first got clean in 1987, I used to go to meetings at a place called the Crossroads Club in Delray Beach FL. The people and meetings there made such a strong emotional impression on me that I can picture the faces of the people in those rooms to this day. And, I remember their names...Jerry, the gambler with the massive cocaine addition; Kennedy, the weightlifter who would do two or three 12-step calls on suffering addicts a week; Don, my sponsor, who was 66 years old and had 6 strong years of recovery under his belt; Bobby, the suicidal pot smoker, who survived a shotgun blast to his face after a busted attempt to shoot himself. The people and more formed the core of healthy people that I initially relied upon to save my life.

At first, surrounded by all these recovering addicts whose using lives seemed so much more chaotic and hopeless than my relatively normal existence, I felt I didn't fit in. "I was different" I said to myself. Don was the first to remind me that no one gets to the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous by mistake and there was a reason for me being there. He was right: My inability to live in the moment, in the day, in the time I had been given to live a productive life...that inability to live life on life's terms was the chief cause for the collapse of my life that was directly related to my use of drugs. He is the one who first took me to Just for Today, and I have never looked back since.

Today, I only think about recovery and living life as best I can. Today, I have faith that someone wants to help me and is there for me when I need him or her. Today, I have a strong program of recovery and I follow its guidance. Today, I have a true perspective on my life. And, today, I am unafraid of life and I focus on what I have with respect and gratitude.

That's all I really need to do to stay well. It is so simple. It is elegant. It is real. For the book to flip open at this page could be due to its well-worn groove in the binding. Or, one might say it's a reminder for me to look carefully at my life today to see that I am living one day at a time. It makes no difference which it is. I just take it as it comes to me with all the goodness and hope that it provides.

So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

All the best, Roger W.

Back to Business...

Now that some of my family have left for home, it's time to get back to the basic routines and business of my life.

Activities of daily living can be boring at times. The rising, showering, shaving, and brushing the beard every morning can get old unless I remember that there was a time when I wouldn't do these things because of a deep depression. For quite a while during my drinking and drugging heyday I managed to keep things together. In fact, I seemed to always have work and needed to function in my daily life, so I tried to look good and take care of myself. But then, around the end, it became obvious I didn't care any more and gave up on taking care of myself. Oddly enough, when I got clean, psychological functioning didn't get better at first: In fact, I slumped even more into depression at the beginning of recovery and let myself go completely at times. I think of those days today when I am getting ready for work, grateful for having the chance to take care of myself and certainly grateful for having a job to go to that encourages me to do that.

Today's reading in NA's Just for Today reaffirms this. In "Old Dreams Needn't Die", the reading talks about how our dreams were dashed when we were using because we pursued pleasure at all cost and put our futures on hold. Recovery gives us the daily chance to renew our dreams. We find that "our lost dreams can still come true" when we practice recovering principles in our daily life, and we discover things about ourselves that we may not have known or appreciated. In my case, even coming late in recovery, I discovered the happiness that studying brought me and how pursuing my PhD gives me hope for a bright future. This is remarkable stuff indeed given how I squandered so much time ripping and running through my addicted lifestyle.

So, today, it's back to basics. It's renewing myself each day through activities of daily living that show the pride I have in myself and the constant pursuit of dreams that spur me on. This is all brought to me through the miracle of recovery in NA, my daily reprieve from the horrors of addiction. So long as I follow that way I have nothing to fear.

All the best, Roger W.

Bill W Film #4...

I finally found the 4th installment of the film Bill W and Lois made about his experience, strength and hope for recovery. It took a while, but, thanks to You Tube, we have it and are offering it to you here, on The Happy Hour.

The importance of this film cannot be over emphasized. Bill certainly had a way with words and some of the written wording and phrasing in the "Big Book" and the "12 and 12" is sometimes a little flowery and overly developed. That was just his way as the character defects of grandiosity and pomposity appear to creep into his writing every now and again. As a fellow New Englander, however, I recognize in his language a matter-of-fact and clipped way of presenting ideas that is relatively free of emotion and uncluttered by intellectual jargon. This film shows his true nature as a man who struggled mightily with addiction and had a colorful lifestyle to back it up. It also puts some flesh on the bare bones of the written legacy he left us. Here he gives us a picture of himself the way he truly was.

So, sit back and enjoy the latest in Bill's story of how it came to be that he discovered the power of one alcoholic helping another.

All the best, Roger W.

Bill W's Film #3...

It's with a great deal of pleasure that The Happy Hour bring you the next installment of Bill W.'s personal story of recovery in his own voice on video. This series is no hard to find on the internet, but having it be a part of our discourse here is very special. I think it solidifes the ideas behind what The Happy Hour is trying to present - a place where you can find worthwhile information about recovery from addictive disease and share in the joys of recovery.

So sit back and relax and pick up the story where Bill is talking about having met with his friend Ebby and discusses his friend Rowland's recovery with Dr. Jung.

All the best, Roger W.

Fellowship...

One of the comforting things about being involved with a 12 Step program is the fellowship it affords with other recovering people. Fellowship is not a common word in today's lexicon. We are often too busy with commitments to afford the time to sit and enjoy others, and the ever-present cell phone sometimes has a mind of its own that draws us away from relationships. If you are like me, then you occasionally seek out chances to be with others to renew the bond.

That's what fellowship in Narcotics and Alcoholics Anonymous programs do: They provide the recovering person with a time and place to enjoy maximum contact with other people who have experience, strength, and hope to share about recovery. Addiction is a disease of many things, but primarily it is a disease of isolation. Whether we used in public or private, we sooner or later came to realize that we were alone in our addictive behavior, hiding it from everyone we could who was healthy in our lives, and avoiding prolonged contact with those we did use with. When we were trying to get the drugs, we were obsessed with finding them and using them so there was little time or need to get to know people around us for who they really were. When we were using drugs, we held ourselves away from people because we certainly didn't want to share and needed to protect our supply. And, when we were coming down in withdrawal we avoided people so they would not see our pain. NA and AA know these things and that is why they ask we share recovery in fellowship with other people.

Certainly, fellowship comes in many forms, but the most recent examples for me are impressive markers for how far I have come in moving away from being isolated. There are the meetings I attend where I join with others in the rituals of our recovery, reading passages from our literature and listening to speakers or sharing our story. There are the times when I speak on the phone about NA business or just to hear a friend in recovery talk about their pain or joy. But, the most recent situations that have impressed me with the opportunity for fellowship come from working with fellow addicts on projects related to the Hospitals and Institutions subcommittee we work on for NA. H&I is a group of people who carry the message of recovery to people who cannot make it to a regular NA meeting such as those in detoxes, jails, or hospitals. There is a remarkable bonding that occurs among a group of people who are devoting time and energy to helping others and the H&I work we do gives each of us a chance to benefit from that bonding.

Truly, the organizers of the 12 Step programs were geniuses. We know that. But, we often don't think about the fact that one of the things that most clearly shows that genius is in the simple phrase, "We can't keep what we are not willing to give away." This sounds paradoxical to many outside the program, but it means that a recovering person cannot hold onto recovery without giving away their message of recovery to people who are suffering in the throes of addiction. An H&I panel discussion in a facility is not the only way to do that. The opportunity for fellowship with other recovering people at meetings, coffee hours afterwards, dances, trips, conventions and simple one-on-one talks also spreads that message.

So, today, I am not isolated in some deep, dark hole of addictive behavior, but I stand in the bright sunshine among my peers whose love and compassion are felt every day. And, for that, I am truly grateful.

All the best, Roger W.

Another celebrity death...

Actor Corey Haim recently died and speculation immediately started that this long-time addict had succumbed to a drug overdose. I do not know if the coroner's office has made a final ruling as of today, but there has been an arrest in the case and Haim was known to have been involved with illegal prescriptions in the past.

Regardless, this is another case of young people dying too soon from either the direct or indirect effects of drug abuse and dependence. I know of three adolescents who died of overdoses last year. They had been treated where I work. It never gets easy hearing that news. Especially when we know it is a preventable death because we know that treatment works.

A colleague was recently asked if treatment works for young addicted people on CNN's American Morning show. I think his answer goes a long way to again inform people that treatment is not a quick, spin-dry operation of 30 days or so. Treatment takes many forms but certainly one of them is that it can last a while depending on the person's individual needs. Clearly, a fella like Corey Haim had problems that were missed in any of the 15 treatments he had for his disease. Perhaps he could have used more.

All the best, Roger W.

Workaholism...

Occasionally, when I have the time, I'll read the daily entry in a book called Meditations for Men Who Do Too Much (A Fireside/Parkside Meditation Book) just to get to the nitty-gritty, deep-down-to-your-toes scoop on my life. It's almost always an eye opener.

Whether is nature or nurture I am not sure, but the raw fact is that I am a man who is driven to do a lot of work-related tasks in my daily life. Perhaps I am biologically set up to be a man who compulsively does many things simultaneously. Or, perhaps it was my upbringing that taught me to not waste time on frivolities of life. Certainly, which ever is the case, I am someone who many people say should write a book when they learn about my multi-tasking history. Just the other day, a colleague was marveling at what pace I seem to keep with my school work, professional responsibilities, friendships and now, a blog. She said she felt, "like a slug" when comparing her world to mine. And, I immediately felt bad that I project an image of being a snob who is capable of accomplishing many things while at the same time secretly gloating over the knowledge that I was ahead of others both in my work and in my private life. This is not good.

Today's entry in Meditations For Men Who Do Too Much is interesting in this regard. When thinking about what really makes me strong, am I engaging in a grandiose myth by refusing to accept and tolerate weaknesses I may have in my life? "Workaholics rarely have the courage for self-confrontation. We're too busy trying to control, fearing that if we pause to examine our actions, we really will bleed - right to the last gasp" the writer says in reference to denial which is the chief characteristic of workaholism. We workaholics never want to admit that we're bleeding despite copious amounts of blood on the floor. We never want to appear to be wounded. We despise the idea that we are normal and somehow define ourselves by what we produce, rather than by who we are and what we stand for. Somehow, deep down, there is this missing piece of us we try to fill with work.

Of course, the jump to seeing that this missing piece can also be filled by alcohol and drugs is easy to see. I can recall that my worse moments with drugs seemed to coincide with times when my work was going either magnificently smooth ("Hey, Let's have a party!"), or when it was crushed beneath the weight of being passed over for a raise or fired (Hey, Look at me, the loser!"). I would drink or take drugs to enhance my achievement or forget about my failures. This was particularly true toward the end of active addiction when I worked for a major weekly entertainment magazine and I would use to push me over the top toward the exhilaration of "scoring a big one", or cushion my slide into oblivion when I had failed my editor. In many respects, because I always felt that the achievements were ephemeral, and I was unworthy of them in the first place, what I thought was celebrating success was actually warding off the demons that told me I was no good. So, no matter the outcome - success or failure - when it came to my work I always needed to get high.

This is not an easy piece of self-awareness to shake and its difficulty is obviously why so few men actually confront themselves about the possibility of being a workaholic...someone who might be replacing the use of alcohol or other drugs with fits of energy to ward off the demons. Yet, today, I am able to see myself as I truly am and to work a program of recovery that includes that self-awareness. Today, I recognize that I need to build more time into my daily life that allows me the chance to take it easy, sit back every now and again, and re-charge my batteries.

The first thing I've decided to do is take a mini-vacation. Tomorrow I leave for Lutsen MN, a resort on the North shore of Lake Superior, for some rest and relaxation. I plan to get a massage a day, read a fiction novel, eat good food, make photographs with an old film camera, and rest. I hope to return with a fresh outlook and every now and then turn my attention to something absolutely frivolous. I intend to play more in my life. In other words, I will attack my workaholism denial and find the power to overcome it. My guess is that this will help to recover some of the serenity I am missing in my life. And, oh, by the way, I intend to make the time to read the Meditations for Men Who Do Too Much every day.

All the best, Roger W.

Power...

I am continually impressed by the power of the disease of addiction. Each day I am confronted by the power that the disease holds over people who otherwise are lovable, personable and well-intentioned. Instead, they become unendearing, disagreeable, mean-spirited people who are driven to satisfy self ends. I'm certain the someone would get the Nobel Prize if they could pin down why this happens for certain, but there are clues.

Using drugs changes the way the brain works because addiction is a brain disease. In effect, drug users' brains are broken. Addled by the drugs (to paraphrase Eugene O'Neill), people are saddled with the effects. The brain becomes confused: It thinks that the enormous pleasure and relief that comes from the drug is the normal process for its functioning and it becomes used to them in the system. Some drugs create their own demand in the nerve cells and alter them to fit the way the drug wants the cell to behave. All drugs create a condition in which tolerance and withdrawal become a chief characteristic of the nerve's functioning. To be able to change nerve cells - and ultimately the way the brain functions - shows the substances have enormous power. Moreover, this power compromises one of mankind's greatest assets, willpower, and the person is most often left with no capacity to repair this broken system on their own.

Thus, the second stage of the drug's power kicks in even when the person is technically not using any drugs. When abstinent, the nerve cells throb for attention and demand the drugs they had become so accustomed to feed on. When not there, the nerves goes crazy, and this is what we call the cravings and urges to use that overcome many people. Relapsing, bringing drugs back into the broken nerve cells, is often the only thing that can quell the screaming tantrum that nerve cells exhibit when deprived of their drug. Willpower is immobilized, frozen into a state of panic, and it's only value to the relapsing addict or alcoholic is to find a way to get more and use drugs. This is the reason that other people often see the signs and symptoms of relapse much earlier than when the person is often using and we have called this stage the "dry drunk sundrome".

How to restore power to willpower is the chief motive for drug treatment. To fix a broken brain requires the infusion of the food upon which willpower derives its energy...principles, ideas, morals, values, and meaning in life. Absent these things we have a situation about which we discussed earlier when we talked about having meaning in life that Viktor Frankl spoke about (see posting February 27, 2010). The parts of the brain that deal with meaning in life had been hijacked by the drugs and now must be restored to their rightful place as the governing forces of the brain's activity. In other words, willpower must be given the power to act in the addict's best interest which is to thrive, prosper and ultimately to live.

Those of us who believe in the 12 Steps of recovery feel strongly that this power can come from working through the steps. One gets power restored to their brains that can overcome the cravings and urges to use. Yes, it happens every day to milions of recovering people that their willpower to live can override the willpower to use. This ability is restored particularly through the process of Step Two whereby a person gets an infusion of spirituality necessary to have a meaningful life. When principles, morals, values and meaningfulness come back into a person's life, they become lovable, personable and well-intentioned. Their brains become whole again and their addiction is arrested so that it can no longer run and ruin the person's life.

That capacity means power can be restored and the power of the addiction can be rendered impotent. And, that is quite a miracle to watch everyday for which I am very grateful.

All the best, Roger W.

Addiction treatment referral service...

I'm usually not one to attempt to dramatize the effects of drinking or using drugs on the average person. I believe strongly in Step One of the 12 Step programs that says we must admit to ourselves that we are powerless over the drug and that our life is unmanageable before much progress can be made in lifelong recovery. So, ordinarily, I will let them decide for themselves whether or not their drinking or drug use is causing them serious enough problems for them to stop using. Everyone hits their own bottom when it comes to drug use or alcoholism.

But, there is a way to intervene into someone's life and help them come to that realization sooner rather than later. In recovery we call that raising the bottom for someone so they do not have to fall as far as they could. Such is the spirit behind a video I caught recently published by the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service which is a central telephone system that will connect people to treatment services in their area or throughout the United States. The video is designed to help someone detect if they - or someone they know or love - has a drinking problem. Some parts of it are a bit corny and over the top, but the spirit is good and worthwhile watching...

Alcoholism is a preventable disease of the brain. Just because someone can't see straight when they are "blind drunk", or walk straight when they are "tipsy" does not mean it is an eye disease or a leg disease. It's a brain disease. Millions of Americans have this disease and, were it any other disease known to mankind, there would be outrage at the number of people who suffer from it. Efforts to help people detect the signs and symptoms of the disease ought to be applauded.

If you or someone you know has this brain disease, call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service at 800-662-4357. When I called the other day to do a test run of the phone number for this blog, I found a friendly young man at the service who directed me to two treatment programs in my city. It doesn't get any simpler than that.

I ran across something in my files I had not seen in a while and thought you'd like to watch it. In 2007, the late night TV host, Craig Ferguson did a remarkable thing: He spoke from his heart. Now, speaking emotionally about anything is a big deal for celebrities on TV, but it was really blockbuster material when it ran on late night TV because Ferguson was talking about something very, very personal to him...his alcoholism. Yes, Ferguson is in recovery (because he broke his own anonymity with this clip I feel less compunction about me breaking it). It's a great, personal statement for a man who makes his living by picking on the foibles of his fellow man or woman to step forward and talk about his own demons and how he is recovering from them. So, sit back and watch for a few minutes as someone does a Tenth Step right on late night TV!
All the best, Roger

Ramblings of the mind...

It's been a week since I got my exam results, so it's time to get on with the real meat of The Happy Hour... recovery!

Foremost is a referral I'd like to make for Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaningthat has made a re-impression on me. It had been a long time since I first read it, but the second time around did not disappoint. I understand there's some controversy now about this book. Some believe Frankl only spent a few days at the Aushwitz death camp and that he even once worked at a hospital that did gruesome experiments on people. His editors deny this, but the bitter taste may still remain with some that this book is not as valid as once thought. Regardless, for me, it remains a strong autobiography of a man who endured incredible pain for many years and he gave a voice to those who suffered along with him.

Frankl's premise is that a person cannot survive in this chaotic and sometimes cruel world without some sense of meaning for life itself. When you get right down to it, he's right. Those who gave up in the Nazi death camps were those who lost meaning in their lives. Surrounded by death and destruction, those who succumbed were those who drifted from their core understanding of themselves and their purpose in life. This is not to say there isn't the danger of random injustice and threats to one's life in the world, and understandably the conditions of a death camp made prisoners acutely aware of their powerlessness over the situation. Yet, among those who were not plucked for the gas chambers right away, there was one identifiable characteristic of the survivors... their will to live because even their miserable lives had meaning.

Frankl notes for the modern reader that there are innumerable examples of how ordinary people lose track of the meaning in their lives and suffer because of it. People with anxiety and depression have frequently given up on themselves. And, in something that is relevant for us at The Happy Hour, he claims that turning to drugs is a behavior that shows people have given up on their lives and lost the meaning in it. How many times have we heard from young people that they are bored with life, that they are drifting and that things are meaningless to them? How many times have people turned to drugs to either wash away pain or enhance pleasure as a way to avoid the certainty of realizing they do not know themselves or where they are heading in life? How many people die each day because they lost their way?

Frankl believed that the way to change this was not simply to create meaning in life that may not be there. He said that meaning is created through, of all things, suffering. What we are deprived of, or what sometimes hurts us, or what often threatens us can have embedded within the seeds of living a meaningful life. Nietzsche is to have said, "That which does not kill me, makes me stronger". This is the essence of Frankl's message. What we endure often defines our life, and if we endure suffering of one kind or another - the pains of living that seem common to all of us - we very often can stand strong against the inertia to give up the fight. Frankl, the psychiatrist, did this himself by studying the people who surrounded him in the death camps and learning from them. This gave his experience there meaning. So too can we learn from the everyday experiences of our existence how to live a meaningful life.

Being willing to stand tall against the suffering of cravings and urges to get high on drugs takes courage. That courage comes from having an abiding faith that reminds us that we do not endure this alone, that there can be some Higher Power in our life that gives it meaning and purpose. And, this driving life force is often enough to get us through that moment of suffering so we might live and not die of the ravages of alcoholism or drug addiction. In my practice I often concentrate on helping young men form the vision about their future that is based on finding meaning in their lives and the direction that comes from that meaning. I strongly believe in the old saw that "If you stand for something, you won't fall for anything". So it is with recovery. Standing for something, a life freely lived in harmony with the world around me, is the single most important feature of recovery for this addict. This is driven by an abiding faith that my life has meaning and that I ought not squander that life.

Frankl gave the world a brave book about the essence of life. I think the least we can all do is find through it the meaning behind our lives that propels us forward to what Bill W. called, "our happy destiny". That way each of us will demonstrate to the other person how well lived a meaningful life in recovery can be.

All the best, Roger W.

Welcome!

Welcome to the newest blog on the Internet, The Happy Hour.

I've taken the name from the popular process many people go through in the early evening when they stop by their favorite pub and have a drink before going home.

Obviously, in this case, it's designed as a tongue-in-cheek attempt to capitalize on the irony of having what will be a blog devoted to recovery from alcoholism and other drugs named after this past time.

It's my hope that the writings here will help those who are struggling with the addictive nature of drinking alcohol to excess or uncontrollably taking drugs come to believe that there is hope for lifelong recovery.

Much of what will be written here is personal reflection on a life of 21 years drinking and drugging and 22 years of recovery from the insanity of drinking and drugging. I will offer up some of the personal testimony about my experience, strength and hope. And, I will try to entice some of my recovering friends to do the same.

Most of all, I want this to be an interactive blog. Like most of recovery, it is a "we" effort in which all of us who are interested in recovery join with one another to celebrate serenity and the reprieve we have from the tyranny of alcohol and drug abuse.

May you who read here always find stimulating stories and commentary about recovery and come to these pages with Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness.

Let's enjoy the new happy hour in our lives!

All the best, Roger