Recovery Month...

Just found out that someone from the Recovery Month unit at the US Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is following this blog. They are a great organization, so I thought I would give them a plug.

Recovery Month is an annual observance that takes place during the month of September.

The Recovery Month observance highlights the societal benefits of substance abuse treatment, lauds the contributions of treatment providers and promotes the message that recovery from substance abuse in all its forms is possible. The observance also encourages citizens to take action to help expand and improve the availability of effective substance abuse treatment for those in need. Each year a new theme, or emphasis, is selected for the observance.

Recovery Month provides a platform to celebrate people in recovery and those who serve them. Each September, thousands of treatment programs around the country celebrate their successes and share them with their neighbors, friends, and colleagues in an effort to educate the public about treatment, how it works, for whom, and why. Substance abuse treatment providers have made significant accomplishments, having transformed the lives of untold thousands of Americans. These successes often go unnoticed by the broader population; therefore, Recovery Month provides a vehicle to celebrate these successes.

Recovery Month also serves to educate the public on substance abuse as a national health crisis, that addiction is a treatable disease, and that recovery is possible. Recovery Month highlights the benefits of treatment for not only the affected individual, but for their family, friends, workplace, and society as a whole. Educating the public reduces the stigma associated with addiction and treatment. Accurate knowledge of the disease helps people to understand the importance of supporting treatment programs, those who work within the treatment field, and those in need of treatment.

Recovery Month is more than just a month-long celebration of everything about recovery from addiction. This year's theme is "Join the Voices of Recovery...Now More Than Ever". Their web site at http://www.recoverymonth.gov is the most authoritative place to find activities and events that might be scheduled in your state. For those states where is there are no scheduled events, perhaps you, your employer, or organization can sponsor one during September.

So check out The Recovery Month site and have some fun in recovery!

All the best, Roger W.

Fear of Fear Itself...

Most often, addicts or alcoholics in early recovery are afraid to express emotions that have lived dormant for many years. There is the sense that, should the emotions be released, they would be flooded with panic and unbearable pain. The situation can be like having a phobia ("emophobia"?) against the expression of emotions.

I have a patient who is so afraid of expressing emotion that he breaks into a sweat, flushes his face, reports heart palpitations and starts to shiver at the mere thought of expressing an emotion. He envisions himself collapsing in front of everyone, writhing on the ground, soiling his pants and having people around him laughing, taunting and humiliating him. He says he is basically afraid of "looking stupid in front of everyone" should he show any emotion that he thinks other people do not expect from him.

This may be a far-fetched example, but herein lies the key to a problem many people have. The self talk that this man uses to justify he is right to fear emotional expression is inside the notion that it will not please people to hear how he really feels. At root, he may be a perfectionistic people-pleaser. If this is true, then the remedy for the situation is to find out how people around him would actually think and feel about what he has to say. Undoubtedly, their thoughts would not be what he predicts, for few people humiliate others simply because they express feelings. Then, armed with the facts of the situation, he would be in a position to learn that his fears are unfounded and that he can change his approach. Once he expresses an emotion, gets positive feedback from it, and learns that he comes way unharmed, he ought to see how his fears are reduced. This will make it easier to express feelings the next time.

Of course, the whole point of this work is to prevent relapse. Too often we are using alcohol and other drugs as ways to avoid emotions or soften the impact of emotions felt and expressed. I am pessimistic about my patient because he is so stubbornly entrenched in his unhealthy beliefs and fears. But, I have been optimistic about others who have this problem when they link the fear to the act of using. Once there is a link and the person sees how destructive harboring fearful emotions can be, they usually agree to try the method I mentioned.

Naturally, one of the best and safest places to express emotions is at a 12 Step meeting. There, people will listen because they have often experienced the same emotions and fear and are willing to help a person through them. There is hope for recovery once we see that our emotions are not to be feared, but expressed in straight forward and creative ways. The 12 Steps are designed to help a person come to believe that there is hope for recovery and, armed with power obtained from working the steps, we are fearless in facing life on life's terms.

All the best, Roger W.

We are not alone...

On page 94 of the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text it reads, "We re-evaluate our old ideas, so we can become acquainted with the new ideas that lead to a new way of life." One of the old ideas I had to abandon in recovery was that I can go through life alone, solving my own problems my way, and not reaching out for help to anyone. That is not the way recovery works.

For me, there was one lesson that I learned early in life: You had to solve your own problems. I was taught to be independent, to not rely on anyone, to be self-sustaining. I was told that to be a real man, one needed to prove to the world that he could handle the problems of life without recourse to others. That to seek help was a sign of weakness was ingrained in me. And, that there was no one out there who would care enough about me to help me through life was the hallmark of the dog-eat-dog world I lived in. This was not just taught by those closest to me, but seemingly by every man I came into contact with who appeared to be going their own way through life and rising or falling based on their own skills and talents and sometime luck. Consequently, I found as a young man that the world was a harsh and uncompromising place that expected me to re-invent solutions to problems. This meant I was alone in confronting the difficulties of having and maintaining relationships, of finding and sustaining employment, of negotiating agreements with my peers, and of reconciling myself with God and spiritual principles.

These were very old ideas, indeed. They carried me from adolescence through my early 40s. They turned out to be the guiding principles of a failure in life to survive the "slings and arrows of outrageous deceits" that could be perpetrated on any one of us. And, they led to a breakdown in my ability to function as a man. Late into my teens I first turned to alcohol and then to other drugs to help me cope with this failure to manage life's problems. Drugs did for me what I thought I could no longer do for myself. And, the old idea that I could go it alone resulted in my best efforts to make sense of the world through the use of chemicals that eventually betrayed me by also failing to produce the victories in life I thought I could experience with them.

When I first got clean from drugs I quickly learned that I could not stay sober alone. I did not know the first thing about recovery after leaving a treatment facility when I was 40 years old, and, if I was to use the way I had been taught to go it alone, I had the intuitive sense that I would fail. I had been introduced to the fellowship of Narcotic Anonymous during treatment and one of its key ideas is that I, alone, am completely powerless over alcohol and other drugs. So, if I was to make it, I needed to reach out to others and get help and advice as to how I could survive. Those messages came to me in the form of the 12 Steps of recovery and it's no coincidence that the Second Step suggests that only through reaching out to a power greater than myself could I have hope for recovery. I was taught by my sponsor that I had to abandon the idea that I could do it alone and first turn to the Fellowship for help and then come to believe the was power for me by help from the God of my own understanding.

That was how I came to understand that there was a new way of thinking that could lead to a new way of life. No longer did I have to figure out recovery on my own. No longer did I have to stand alone, stalwart against the onslaught of relapse warning signs and symptoms. Moreover, no longer did I have to grapple with life-long problems of reconciling myself to my God and the spiritual principles that I wanted to guide my life. To this day I find, through the 12 Step Fellowships, the help and guidance I need as a mature man to make it through and successfully cope with life on life's terms.

This is gratifying. Because I had help I now can look back on victories over problems rather than defeats. I can see that no matter how life goes, I will survive. I can rely on people to help me today. This has made all the difference in my recovery and allowed me to live a productive life. For that, I am eternally grateful.

All the best, Roger W.

It's a disease...

Some of us are surprised and confused to learn that what we have is a primary disease of addiction when we first come into recovery. In fact, some people are upset to have this condition characterised as a disease. However, make no mistake about it, the overwhelming evidence is that addiction is an illness within our brains that has all the charateristics of a traditional disease. Yet, some people stubbornly refuse to accept this and either claim it is a deficiency of willpower or merely a symptom of something going on deeper in our psyche. We must not be confused by this.

What is a disease? It can be defined as a condition within the human body in which the normal structure or function of any body part, organ, or system is changed, and that is seen by a characteristic set of typical problems and signs whose start, presentation, and estimate of its future course is known or unknown. This condition can be chronic (occuring regularly for years), incurable and deadly. Sound familiar? If it does, you are seeing addiction for what it is: A condition in which the normal functioning of the brain is changed and that a set of typical problems and signs arise that we do not know the cause for, how it will present in individuals or its future course. It is chronic, incurable and deadly if untreated. It can, like the diseases of the heart or diabetes, be arrested, stopped for a while, so long as daily and consistently treatment takes place.

Notice that we can distinguish between addiction and abuse of all drugs. A person abuses drugs when there are some consequences from their use - some problems that arise in their life - that are directly tied to the using. A DUI from driving when intoxicated, divorce when a spouse leaves due to the drinking, a fatty liver (a precursor to chirrosis), loss of a job, increased depression, etc., are all examples of the kinds of problems that can arise when people abuse a substance.

Addiction (dependence) is different. A person can be said to be addicted to a drug when there is tolerance - it takes more of the drug to get the same effect - or, when there is withdrawal - when the drug is discontinued for a while - or, when the person's life is preoccupied by getting and using the drug that effects major aspects of their life, PLUS the fact that there are problems that come from the using. If a person expriences these things as a result of using, they are said to be addicted.

My own definition for addiction is that a person uses a substance, person, place, thing or situation despite any threat or consequence. This takes in a lot if you think about it. Addiction can be so powerful that it changes the way we think, which is, after all, the fundamental purpose of the brain. It can make us think that drinking or drugging is natural, healthy and necessary for our survival. It can make us use it because of the biological necessity of having it in our system even though there are tremendous consequences.

People who do not know about the disease of addiction can sometimes make the mistake that it is the person themselves who makes the choice to use drugs. This is far from the truth and why many treatments that just focus on the thinking about addiction fail to make lasting changes. In fact, the person who is abusing has choice, but the dependent (addicted) person can no more choose not to drink than they can change their eye color or height. Addiction has become engrained in their brain and willpower has been hijacked, rendered impotent, and ineffecutal in the face of enormous consequences.

So, the next time you see someone who may be addicted as defined above, consider that they need treatment that will help them stop the disease in its tracks and restore willpower to its rightful place within the brain to regulate the person's life.

All the best, Roger W.

Fellowship...

One of the comforting things about being involved with a 12 Step program is the fellowship it affords with other recovering people. Fellowship is not a common word in today's lexicon. We are often too busy with commitments to afford the time to sit and enjoy others, and the ever-present cell phone sometimes has a mind of its own that draws us away from relationships. If you are like me, then you occasionally seek out chances to be with others to renew the bond.

That's what fellowship in Narcotics and Alcoholics Anonymous programs do: They provide the recovering person with a time and place to enjoy maximum contact with other people who have experience, strength, and hope to share about recovery. Addiction is a disease of many things, but primarily it is a disease of isolation. Whether we used in public or private, we sooner or later came to realize that we were alone in our addictive behavior, hiding it from everyone we could who was healthy in our lives, and avoiding prolonged contact with those we did use with. When we were trying to get the drugs, we were obsessed with finding them and using them so there was little time or need to get to know people around us for who they really were. When we were using drugs, we held ourselves away from people because we certainly didn't want to share and needed to protect our supply. And, when we were coming down in withdrawal we avoided people so they would not see our pain. NA and AA know these things and that is why they ask we share recovery in fellowship with other people.

Certainly, fellowship comes in many forms, but the most recent examples for me are impressive markers for how far I have come in moving away from being isolated. There are the meetings I attend where I join with others in the rituals of our recovery, reading passages from our literature and listening to speakers or sharing our story. There are the times when I speak on the phone about NA business or just to hear a friend in recovery talk about their pain or joy. But, the most recent situations that have impressed me with the opportunity for fellowship come from working with fellow addicts on projects related to the Hospitals and Institutions subcommittee we work on for NA. H&I is a group of people who carry the message of recovery to people who cannot make it to a regular NA meeting such as those in detoxes, jails, or hospitals. There is a remarkable bonding that occurs among a group of people who are devoting time and energy to helping others and the H&I work we do gives each of us a chance to benefit from that bonding.

Truly, the organizers of the 12 Step programs were geniuses. We know that. But, we often don't think about the fact that one of the things that most clearly shows that genius is in the simple phrase, "We can't keep what we are not willing to give away." This sounds paradoxical to many outside the program, but it means that a recovering person cannot hold onto recovery without giving away their message of recovery to people who are suffering in the throes of addiction. An H&I panel discussion in a facility is not the only way to do that. The opportunity for fellowship with other recovering people at meetings, coffee hours afterwards, dances, trips, conventions and simple one-on-one talks also spreads that message.

So, today, I am not isolated in some deep, dark hole of addictive behavior, but I stand in the bright sunshine among my peers whose love and compassion are felt every day. And, for that, I am truly grateful.

All the best, Roger W.

Another celebrity death...

Actor Corey Haim recently died and speculation immediately started that this long-time addict had succumbed to a drug overdose. I do not know if the coroner's office has made a final ruling as of today, but there has been an arrest in the case and Haim was known to have been involved with illegal prescriptions in the past.

Regardless, this is another case of young people dying too soon from either the direct or indirect effects of drug abuse and dependence. I know of three adolescents who died of overdoses last year. They had been treated where I work. It never gets easy hearing that news. Especially when we know it is a preventable death because we know that treatment works.

A colleague was recently asked if treatment works for young addicted people on CNN's American Morning show. I think his answer goes a long way to again inform people that treatment is not a quick, spin-dry operation of 30 days or so. Treatment takes many forms but certainly one of them is that it can last a while depending on the person's individual needs. Clearly, a fella like Corey Haim had problems that were missed in any of the 15 treatments he had for his disease. Perhaps he could have used more.

All the best, Roger W.

Pick your pain...

Ayn Rand, the famous rugged individualist writer of the mid-20^th century once said, “You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.” This is certainly true for everyone, but especially true for the active alcoholic and drug addict and has led me to thoughts about what a relapsing lifestyle looks like as opposed to a recovering lifestyle.

After years of studying the matter – in terms of “personal research” before and after recovery as well as professional addictions therapy for 19 years – I can summarize addiction and relapse in two short phrases:

Short-term gain, always leads to long-term pain.

Short-term pain, always leads to long term gain.

Short-term gain is always followed by long-term pain. Whatever one avoids – and addicts are notorious for avoiding reality at all costs - one is destined to repeat because the avoided person, place, thing, or situation is always there. Whatever is avoided is either in front of us or to the side, but always present in our lives because it has not been addressed and worked through. The pain that follows this avoidance can be as hurtful as life-long shame, guilt, fear, worry, or the nagging sense of a meaningless life that seems to go on forever without relief. When we have intentionally avoided those things in our lives that could cause us discomfort, we are setting ourselves up to feel that discomfort for a long time, perhaps forever. I have concluded that active addicts and alcoholics would rather suffer long-term pain than short-term pain. This is confusing because we would think that a person would want to remove pain from their lives. But, no so the addict or alcoholic who would often prefer to suffer what is known rather than suffer what is unknown, i.e., they know how to cope with the pain of rejection, shame, guilt, remorse, etc. by using. Regrettably, there are no guarantees when it comes to suffering and the active addict or alcoholic always looks for the sure thing to bet on.

The solution to the problem of relapse is to flip the script, i.e., learn how to suffer through small pains to get to the good stuff embedded in serenity. Recovery is based on the principle that as long as I am abstinent and following a program of recovering principles in my life, I have nothing to fear. It essentially says that there is no problem so great that it cannot be solved, and there is no pain so great that it cannot be endured. Recovery is based on the ability to suffer through painful experiences or times when I may be discomforted, disquieted, or otherwise feel some level of pain.

I have come to rely heavily on the principle of having the presence of my Higher Power in my daily life that is underlying Step 11. The key phrase of this step is “prayed only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.” When I seek knowledge of what is going on in my world so that I might get the power to carry out life on life’s terms I am comforted because I know that the slings and arrows of this world can never really hurt me in the end. Rather, these can be superficial, not mortal, wounds that I will survive because of my faith that the world will never have in it anything that I cannot endure or overcome. My mind can conjure up some nasty things that could happen to my family or me but even with those things, I have come to believe that I will never be given anything that I cannot handle.

Short-term pain, in any form, will eventually end and I can get on with the good stuff of living.

Long-term pain, in any form, will last forever.

Therefore, I usually ask people in treatment, “Pick your pain…do you want it over quickly or do you want it to last forever?” Most people answer that they want it done with fast. Moreover, this is as it should be. However, many of these do not see the numerous chances to suffer little problems in order to get to the great goals of serenity and happiness.

In some respects, masochistic as it may sound, I cannot wait every day to bear the little things so I can benefit from that suffering. It is something I learned through Steps 3 and 11 and carry with me every day.

All the best, Roger W.

Just for Today...

I had just checked in to the Lutsen Lodge along the north shore of Lake Superior for a few days of relaxation when it hit me. I wandered into the bar to wait for them to prepare my room because I had just eaten and did not want to go into the restaurant. Then, suddenly, it occurred to me that I could have a drink. "After all," I said to myself, "who would know?"

When this happens - and it happens still every now and then even after 22 years clean - I am amazed at its power. I can be hit with a rationalization and justification to drink and in a brief moment I can think about throwing it all away. For an instant, drinking can seem to be better for me than staying sober, and the obsession can rear it ugly head to make me think that my best interests, my future, my hopes and my dreams all reside inside a bottle. This is astounding to me because to drink alcohol certainly is insanity for me.

It is no wonder that so many people in early recovery roll over and give in to the suggestion that drinking is OK when it presents itself in such a subtle and diabolical way as it did to me in that bar this afternoon. I can only conclude that my potential relapse came as the end result of a longer process of unhealthy thinking that first led me into the bar and then to the idea that a drink would be a good idea. That is real cunning. That is real power. And, that is real dangerous. I can just imagine how some peoples' willpower gives in to this kind of pressure and how those who are new in recovery might not see these early signs that lead up to the idea that one, simple drink would be alright.

The incident reminded me of what happened to Bill W. that day in the lobby of the Akron hotel he was staying at on that fateful busines trip. When he resisted the lure of the bar at one end of the lobby for the telephone at the other end he began a process that resulted in the creation of AA.  It may be nothing but AA folklore, but I read that in order to get the nickles he needed for the phone calls, Bill went into the bar to cash a dollar bill instead of to the front desk. It was at that moment that he too must have thought, "Who would know?" But, armed with the belief he could only resist a drink if he made the phone calls looking for another drunk to talk with, Bill walked to the phones and found Dr. Bob.

Today, I have no Dr. Bob to call, so I write to readers of my blog instead. Today, I rely on my Higher Power to pull me through. Standing in that bar I knew I was in trouble, and I prayed that the obsession to use would be lifted from me. It was. And, I promptly came to my room when it was ready and started to write. Now, the power of the drink is gone and I am restored to sanity: I said to myself, "It is not that anyone would know... it's that I would know."

I love that last part. When confronted with what might ordinarily be a disasterous event, I prevail thanks to the program of AA and NA that saves me from certain death. It again teaches me that, left up to my own devices, I would choose to get loaded and high, but choosing to rely on my Higher Power brings me to sobriety, joy and success.

So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

All the best, Roger W.

Workaholism...

Occasionally, when I have the time, I'll read the daily entry in a book called Meditations for Men Who Do Too Much (A Fireside/Parkside Meditation Book) just to get to the nitty-gritty, deep-down-to-your-toes scoop on my life. It's almost always an eye opener.

Whether is nature or nurture I am not sure, but the raw fact is that I am a man who is driven to do a lot of work-related tasks in my daily life. Perhaps I am biologically set up to be a man who compulsively does many things simultaneously. Or, perhaps it was my upbringing that taught me to not waste time on frivolities of life. Certainly, which ever is the case, I am someone who many people say should write a book when they learn about my multi-tasking history. Just the other day, a colleague was marveling at what pace I seem to keep with my school work, professional responsibilities, friendships and now, a blog. She said she felt, "like a slug" when comparing her world to mine. And, I immediately felt bad that I project an image of being a snob who is capable of accomplishing many things while at the same time secretly gloating over the knowledge that I was ahead of others both in my work and in my private life. This is not good.

Today's entry in Meditations For Men Who Do Too Much is interesting in this regard. When thinking about what really makes me strong, am I engaging in a grandiose myth by refusing to accept and tolerate weaknesses I may have in my life? "Workaholics rarely have the courage for self-confrontation. We're too busy trying to control, fearing that if we pause to examine our actions, we really will bleed - right to the last gasp" the writer says in reference to denial which is the chief characteristic of workaholism. We workaholics never want to admit that we're bleeding despite copious amounts of blood on the floor. We never want to appear to be wounded. We despise the idea that we are normal and somehow define ourselves by what we produce, rather than by who we are and what we stand for. Somehow, deep down, there is this missing piece of us we try to fill with work.

Of course, the jump to seeing that this missing piece can also be filled by alcohol and drugs is easy to see. I can recall that my worse moments with drugs seemed to coincide with times when my work was going either magnificently smooth ("Hey, Let's have a party!"), or when it was crushed beneath the weight of being passed over for a raise or fired (Hey, Look at me, the loser!"). I would drink or take drugs to enhance my achievement or forget about my failures. This was particularly true toward the end of active addiction when I worked for a major weekly entertainment magazine and I would use to push me over the top toward the exhilaration of "scoring a big one", or cushion my slide into oblivion when I had failed my editor. In many respects, because I always felt that the achievements were ephemeral, and I was unworthy of them in the first place, what I thought was celebrating success was actually warding off the demons that told me I was no good. So, no matter the outcome - success or failure - when it came to my work I always needed to get high.

This is not an easy piece of self-awareness to shake and its difficulty is obviously why so few men actually confront themselves about the possibility of being a workaholic...someone who might be replacing the use of alcohol or other drugs with fits of energy to ward off the demons. Yet, today, I am able to see myself as I truly am and to work a program of recovery that includes that self-awareness. Today, I recognize that I need to build more time into my daily life that allows me the chance to take it easy, sit back every now and again, and re-charge my batteries.

The first thing I've decided to do is take a mini-vacation. Tomorrow I leave for Lutsen MN, a resort on the North shore of Lake Superior, for some rest and relaxation. I plan to get a massage a day, read a fiction novel, eat good food, make photographs with an old film camera, and rest. I hope to return with a fresh outlook and every now and then turn my attention to something absolutely frivolous. I intend to play more in my life. In other words, I will attack my workaholism denial and find the power to overcome it. My guess is that this will help to recover some of the serenity I am missing in my life. And, oh, by the way, I intend to make the time to read the Meditations for Men Who Do Too Much every day.

All the best, Roger W.

CoDependency...

I'm reading a book, The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation , by Melody Beattie and I am fascinated by it. I had read her first, ground-breaking book on codependency, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, after I had gone through 10 days of codependency treatment a short while after graduating from chemical dependency treatment in the late 1980s. That experience was, in every respect, the most important experience of my life. The New Codependency brings back many memories and feelings about one of the most prevelant and deadly of all addiction-related diseases.

Codependency is a hidden condition. Whether or not is fits the classic definition of a disease is debateable, but it certainly is a chronic, life-threatening condition some people find themselves in when they are connected to someone who is chemically dependent. This is the essential way people have defined codependency, that people get enmeshed with a drug or alcohol abuser such that they are as affected by the drug as the user is, but there are other ways to be codependent on other people, places, things, or situations that can ruin a life. Melody makes this point very convincingly in the book. Since codependency has come out of the shadows of addition treatment there has been growing concern that many, many people live their lives for someone else and do not know how to take care of themselves...what Melody says is the thematic pattern of codependent people. The trouble is that few people either know about or want to admit being codependent and it lies within a person for years, leaking out its venom in behaviors that a person may engage in without real knowledge or appreciation for what causes dysfunctional relationships.

In my own case, I have always defined codependency as a condition in which a person becomes addicted to the dramatic quality of their own lives. The life of a codependent person is fraught with problems associated with the alcoholic or drug addict, and these problems often become so prominent in their daily lives that they come to expect them to happen. They become traits in the codependent person. Moreover, they become conditions of suffering that the codependent person wants to scream out to everyone, "See how bad things are for me!" Not everyone reacts this way, but by and large language and conversation of a codependent person becomes more or less related to the other, addicted person. Everything about their lives is in relation to how this addicted person behaves, treats them, creates situations that are perplexing, or dangerous and threatening to the codpendent person. The ultimate example of this is spousal abuse, both physical and mental, in which a codependent victim - unwilling to detach from the addicted perpetrator - becomes victim to that person's rage and dies at their hands. There are active deaths in which the person is killed, or slow deaths in which, over decades, a codependent contracts other illnesses of stress, bodily dysfunction, and mental problems that isolates them and ultimately kills them. All of this due to the drama in their lives.

I am a codependent, having lived in a situation for years that I could not manage but had to cope with daily and threatened my life. This has led me to another aphorism I believe: Not every codependent is an addict, but certainly every addict is a codependent. It's a fact of life that addicts live in relation to others, either through the lying and manipualtion they do or through the enmeshment with others that is caused by the addiction itself, and this often keeps them involved with the drug and the lifestyle of a drug addict. I was once addicted to the drama such that I needed to know there was drama and reaffirm it to everyone in order to justify my drug use. As a result, I dragged everyone in my life down with me.

Melody makes larger and better arguments about these points much more eloquently. I would invite anyone who lives with an addicted person, or anyone who feels they must care for and nurture an addicted person, thing, or situation to read her book. At the same time, I would learn the principles of constructive detachment from that addict and begin the process of self-care so as to escape the addict's gravitational pull that wants to drive you into the ground. Your life depends on this awareness and plan.

All the best, Roger W.

Power...

I am continually impressed by the power of the disease of addiction. Each day I am confronted by the power that the disease holds over people who otherwise are lovable, personable and well-intentioned. Instead, they become unendearing, disagreeable, mean-spirited people who are driven to satisfy self ends. I'm certain the someone would get the Nobel Prize if they could pin down why this happens for certain, but there are clues.

Using drugs changes the way the brain works because addiction is a brain disease. In effect, drug users' brains are broken. Addled by the drugs (to paraphrase Eugene O'Neill), people are saddled with the effects. The brain becomes confused: It thinks that the enormous pleasure and relief that comes from the drug is the normal process for its functioning and it becomes used to them in the system. Some drugs create their own demand in the nerve cells and alter them to fit the way the drug wants the cell to behave. All drugs create a condition in which tolerance and withdrawal become a chief characteristic of the nerve's functioning. To be able to change nerve cells - and ultimately the way the brain functions - shows the substances have enormous power. Moreover, this power compromises one of mankind's greatest assets, willpower, and the person is most often left with no capacity to repair this broken system on their own.

Thus, the second stage of the drug's power kicks in even when the person is technically not using any drugs. When abstinent, the nerve cells throb for attention and demand the drugs they had become so accustomed to feed on. When not there, the nerves goes crazy, and this is what we call the cravings and urges to use that overcome many people. Relapsing, bringing drugs back into the broken nerve cells, is often the only thing that can quell the screaming tantrum that nerve cells exhibit when deprived of their drug. Willpower is immobilized, frozen into a state of panic, and it's only value to the relapsing addict or alcoholic is to find a way to get more and use drugs. This is the reason that other people often see the signs and symptoms of relapse much earlier than when the person is often using and we have called this stage the "dry drunk sundrome".

How to restore power to willpower is the chief motive for drug treatment. To fix a broken brain requires the infusion of the food upon which willpower derives its energy...principles, ideas, morals, values, and meaning in life. Absent these things we have a situation about which we discussed earlier when we talked about having meaning in life that Viktor Frankl spoke about (see posting February 27, 2010). The parts of the brain that deal with meaning in life had been hijacked by the drugs and now must be restored to their rightful place as the governing forces of the brain's activity. In other words, willpower must be given the power to act in the addict's best interest which is to thrive, prosper and ultimately to live.

Those of us who believe in the 12 Steps of recovery feel strongly that this power can come from working through the steps. One gets power restored to their brains that can overcome the cravings and urges to use. Yes, it happens every day to milions of recovering people that their willpower to live can override the willpower to use. This ability is restored particularly through the process of Step Two whereby a person gets an infusion of spirituality necessary to have a meaningful life. When principles, morals, values and meaningfulness come back into a person's life, they become lovable, personable and well-intentioned. Their brains become whole again and their addiction is arrested so that it can no longer run and ruin the person's life.

That capacity means power can be restored and the power of the addiction can be rendered impotent. And, that is quite a miracle to watch everyday for which I am very grateful.

All the best, Roger W.

Ramblings...

The reading in the Narcotics Anonymous daily meditation book Just for Today: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts is spot on for someone like me who works in the field of addictions recovery. It talks about self-care and the tendency to forget from whence I came that makes all of us who work with recovering people vulnernable to relapse.

"Things can get really good in our recovery" it says and sometimes blind us to the pitfalls that can trip us up. It refers to whether or not I am doing the kinds of things I used to do in early recovery, like attending enough meetings, getting a sponsor, and practicing principles in all our affairs. This reading challenges me to think about where I am in recovery and whether I continue to do things that help me live in a healthy way. Sure enough, there are many things that are really good in my world today. My family is emotionally close at hand, and my relationships with close friends is real and constantly being nurtured. My school work for my Ph.D. is going well, and I was recently blessed with finding the three professors for my committee whom I had as first choices - not a small issue when it comes to academic processes. My health is good (I'm finally losing some weight and exercising), and I work in a profession and at a clinic that is the best in the world for treating adolescent addiction. Clearly things are going very well indeed.

But...there are wrinkles as well. I haven't "worked the steps" in quite a while, go to only a few meetings a month, and still can't find a sponsor. I sometimes justify these holes in me life by saying that I am deeply involved in NA work through the Hospitals & Institutions subcommittee I chair and the fact that my work is virutally a full time 12-Step call with recovering people. But, the real question is, is this enough for me and my needs in recovery to stay well? I'm beginning to think it is not enough. I'm not experiencing obesessions about using, and I don't have cravings. I think the relapse warning signs, triggers and high risk situations I could get into are well-managed. Moreover, I practice principles in my life today that can insultate me from these things. Yet, there is the lingering doubt that they alone are not enough.

My program teaches that only by maintaining a spiritual connection with my Higher Power can I stay clean. I think that today's reading is a wakeup call for me to do spiritual things to nurture my soul and help focus on the requirements for my recovery, namely, to get a sponsor, plan for more meetings in my week and work the steps through reading and writing about them. If I do those things, then I know I have nothing to fear, and my life will continue to grow and prosper.

All the best, Roger W.

Addiction treatment referral service...

I'm usually not one to attempt to dramatize the effects of drinking or using drugs on the average person. I believe strongly in Step One of the 12 Step programs that says we must admit to ourselves that we are powerless over the drug and that our life is unmanageable before much progress can be made in lifelong recovery. So, ordinarily, I will let them decide for themselves whether or not their drinking or drug use is causing them serious enough problems for them to stop using. Everyone hits their own bottom when it comes to drug use or alcoholism.

But, there is a way to intervene into someone's life and help them come to that realization sooner rather than later. In recovery we call that raising the bottom for someone so they do not have to fall as far as they could. Such is the spirit behind a video I caught recently published by the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service which is a central telephone system that will connect people to treatment services in their area or throughout the United States. The video is designed to help someone detect if they - or someone they know or love - has a drinking problem. Some parts of it are a bit corny and over the top, but the spirit is good and worthwhile watching...

Alcoholism is a preventable disease of the brain. Just because someone can't see straight when they are "blind drunk", or walk straight when they are "tipsy" does not mean it is an eye disease or a leg disease. It's a brain disease. Millions of Americans have this disease and, were it any other disease known to mankind, there would be outrage at the number of people who suffer from it. Efforts to help people detect the signs and symptoms of the disease ought to be applauded.

If you or someone you know has this brain disease, call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service at 800-662-4357. When I called the other day to do a test run of the phone number for this blog, I found a friendly young man at the service who directed me to two treatment programs in my city. It doesn't get any simpler than that.

A Tutorial...

One of the things I want to do for those of you new to the blogesphere is how to negotiate around these pages.

You can comment on any of the postings by clicking on the word "comment" or the pencil that appears beneath each blog entry. Just click on either and write a note about your thoughts or feelings and we'll all participate in the work here.

To find blog entries I've made that do not appear on the front page as you scroll down, go to the Archive section in the right panel and click on the day or month of entries you may have missed. Once there you can read what you like.

You can also click on the Google Ads that are on the right hand panel and go to the page represented by that ad. This might be good for any treatment center you are looking for or interesting sites relate to recovery.

You can also find copies of the books I refer to to in the blog entries by clicking on the blue name of the book. It will take you to Amazon who has the book for you to get.

Can't be simpler than that. But, if you run into trouble, write a comment here or send an email to thehappyhour2010@gmail.com and you'll get an answer.

All the best, Roger

Coincidences...

are, we say in the rooms, God's way of maintaining anonymity. So, I think it is really no coincidence that the daily reading in Just For Today today is about relapse and the fact that I've had red wine on my mind for several days now.

I've found myself hallucinating about red wine ever since I mentioned it to one of my patients as an example of how recovering people can get blasts of stinking thinking even after years of recovery. I told him that occasionally I will get thoughts that I can drink red wine, with meals, toasts to good fortune, and to chill out after a hard day's work. These are fleeting thoughts, but nonetheless powerful indicators that the disease of addiction lingers within me and can spring out in any number of ways.

"I never got arrested for drinking red wine" I say to myself, or "I never had a problem with black outs or vomiting my guts out or hangovers or any other of a number of things that I experienced with other drugs." So, I sometimes wonder, "What's the big deal?"

Well, there is a big deal. I forget sometimes - unless I play the tape in my head through to the bitter end - that I never had just one glass of red wine with a steak dinner. No, I had a bottle or more. In addition, I forget that I never really bought just one bottle of red wine toward the end of my drinking career, but I used to buy cases of a brand of red wine that I had shipped in from overseas. Moreover, drinking red wine always led to using other drugs. Like they say in the rooms, I did not always drink red wine when I used other drugs, but whenever I drank red wine I always used other drugs. THIS is the big deal.

Even though it has been many years now since my last glass of any alcohol I am vulnerable to the thought that red wine can take me out in an instant. One of the areas that will suffer the most is my spiritual health. As today's reading says, "the spiritual death that we experience when we are separated from our Higher Power" is the big cost to giving in to these hallucinations about drinking.

Today, that is a price I am unwilling to play. Whenever I get these thoughts, I pray, not so much for them to go away, as with the idea behind Step 11 that asks me to only pray for "knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out." When I seek knowledge of my Higher Power's will for me it becomes clear: I cannot drink red wine safely. Then, once armed with the truth, I get the power to carry out that will. Frankly, this is the only thing that keeps me away from red wine and I am eternally grateful for the ability to push myself away from that table.

All the best, Roger

I ran across something in my files I had not seen in a while and thought you'd like to watch it. In 2007, the late night TV host, Craig Ferguson did a remarkable thing: He spoke from his heart. Now, speaking emotionally about anything is a big deal for celebrities on TV, but it was really blockbuster material when it ran on late night TV because Ferguson was talking about something very, very personal to him...his alcoholism. Yes, Ferguson is in recovery (because he broke his own anonymity with this clip I feel less compunction about me breaking it). It's a great, personal statement for a man who makes his living by picking on the foibles of his fellow man or woman to step forward and talk about his own demons and how he is recovering from them. So, sit back and watch for a few minutes as someone does a Tenth Step right on late night TV!
All the best, Roger

Ramblings of the mind...

It's been a week since I got my exam results, so it's time to get on with the real meat of The Happy Hour... recovery!

Foremost is a referral I'd like to make for Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaningthat has made a re-impression on me. It had been a long time since I first read it, but the second time around did not disappoint. I understand there's some controversy now about this book. Some believe Frankl only spent a few days at the Aushwitz death camp and that he even once worked at a hospital that did gruesome experiments on people. His editors deny this, but the bitter taste may still remain with some that this book is not as valid as once thought. Regardless, for me, it remains a strong autobiography of a man who endured incredible pain for many years and he gave a voice to those who suffered along with him.

Frankl's premise is that a person cannot survive in this chaotic and sometimes cruel world without some sense of meaning for life itself. When you get right down to it, he's right. Those who gave up in the Nazi death camps were those who lost meaning in their lives. Surrounded by death and destruction, those who succumbed were those who drifted from their core understanding of themselves and their purpose in life. This is not to say there isn't the danger of random injustice and threats to one's life in the world, and understandably the conditions of a death camp made prisoners acutely aware of their powerlessness over the situation. Yet, among those who were not plucked for the gas chambers right away, there was one identifiable characteristic of the survivors... their will to live because even their miserable lives had meaning.

Frankl notes for the modern reader that there are innumerable examples of how ordinary people lose track of the meaning in their lives and suffer because of it. People with anxiety and depression have frequently given up on themselves. And, in something that is relevant for us at The Happy Hour, he claims that turning to drugs is a behavior that shows people have given up on their lives and lost the meaning in it. How many times have we heard from young people that they are bored with life, that they are drifting and that things are meaningless to them? How many times have people turned to drugs to either wash away pain or enhance pleasure as a way to avoid the certainty of realizing they do not know themselves or where they are heading in life? How many people die each day because they lost their way?

Frankl believed that the way to change this was not simply to create meaning in life that may not be there. He said that meaning is created through, of all things, suffering. What we are deprived of, or what sometimes hurts us, or what often threatens us can have embedded within the seeds of living a meaningful life. Nietzsche is to have said, "That which does not kill me, makes me stronger". This is the essence of Frankl's message. What we endure often defines our life, and if we endure suffering of one kind or another - the pains of living that seem common to all of us - we very often can stand strong against the inertia to give up the fight. Frankl, the psychiatrist, did this himself by studying the people who surrounded him in the death camps and learning from them. This gave his experience there meaning. So too can we learn from the everyday experiences of our existence how to live a meaningful life.

Being willing to stand tall against the suffering of cravings and urges to get high on drugs takes courage. That courage comes from having an abiding faith that reminds us that we do not endure this alone, that there can be some Higher Power in our life that gives it meaning and purpose. And, this driving life force is often enough to get us through that moment of suffering so we might live and not die of the ravages of alcoholism or drug addiction. In my practice I often concentrate on helping young men form the vision about their future that is based on finding meaning in their lives and the direction that comes from that meaning. I strongly believe in the old saw that "If you stand for something, you won't fall for anything". So it is with recovery. Standing for something, a life freely lived in harmony with the world around me, is the single most important feature of recovery for this addict. This is driven by an abiding faith that my life has meaning and that I ought not squander that life.

Frankl gave the world a brave book about the essence of life. I think the least we can all do is find through it the meaning behind our lives that propels us forward to what Bill W. called, "our happy destiny". That way each of us will demonstrate to the other person how well lived a meaningful life in recovery can be.

All the best, Roger W.

Word just in...

I PASSED MY EXAMS!

Now, this did not come as a big shock to many people who know me and who have given me huge encouragement during the past month. Many believed I would sail through this. And, they were right.

But, to me, it comes as welcome relief for weeks of worry about the outcome and my academic future. One friend noted that this whole event challenged me to my toes about how I think of myself and my capacities. She's right. The issue of whether I could get through these exams became a big referendum for me on the inside about who I was as a man and what I stand for. Perhaps, for many people it wouldn't be this way, but, for me, this exam process was a direct focus on my sense of self and self-esteem.

Why it was this way is a question for the ages and may apply to many other people who read this here. It seems that one of the major contributors to this lack of confidence has a lot to do with the guilt I experience over the number of years I wasted getting wasted. When you spend 21 years involved with alcohol and drugs and become addicted to them, there is the feeling that you are unworthy of any goodness in your life because you squandered so much time and talent. Then, there is the sense that your Higher Power may be a punishing god that wants to inflict pain on you because of the time spent wasting away...

Whatever the cause, the feeling of anticipation, frenzy, despair and dread that came over me just before and during the time I was working on these exams made me very worried about this whole process. Now, since I have been validated by the process and by my professors, I get a sense of enormous relief followed by questioning, "Why did I put myself through that turmoil?" But, I've decided that I'm not going to go down that road. The big difference between me dwelling on the problem as I used to do and moving on the way I do today rests in what I said in my last post about acceptance being the answer to all my problems today. There was a time when I would have ruminated about the questions this exam process conjured up. But, not today. Now I have a Higher Power in my life that gave me the confidence and peace of mind through this process to know that no matter how things turned out, I was going to be OK. That's a far cry from the way I used to deal with the problem. So, I'm not staying on the same page as the past.

Instead, I'm going to rejoice. This is a very big time for me and represents more than 3.5 years of accomplishment. So, I'm heading out for a massage, a movie, and a huge tray of fresh Sushi to celebrate. It doesn't get any better than that.

Thanks for your support and encouragement and for following my exploits here.

All the best, Roger

Acceptance is the answer...

I was thinking today of the amount of anxiety I have over the comprehensive exam results I am expecting and how my recovery program teaches me to cope with it. What immediately came to mind was the famous "Page 417 of the Big Book"... which reads:

"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

When I de-construct that paragraph in relation to my anxiety over my exams, I discover the answer to my problems.

First there is the point that I am disturbed because I find something (my exam results) in some situation (being judged by three professors) as being unacceptable to me. Somehow I think that this ought not to be happening. It might be the same old story as anyone who was once an active alcoholic - "What right have they got to judge me... don't they know who I am!" This is, very deep down, an unacceptable position for me to be in and it certainly doesn't make me serene when I think this way.

But, the author of this paragraph is telling me that I cannot be happy until I come to accept that this disturbing situation is exactly as it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing happens by mistake and I am in a situation that, as uncomfortable as it may be, certainly was of my choosing, make no mistake about it. I came to accept my alcoholism as a fact of life for me and with it came the realization that the people, places, things, and situations that I come across in recovery are a part of life on life's terms, not mine. I cannot control things any more...I lost that battle with the bottle... and I cannot control the natural flow of life in recovery either.

Unless I come to accept that nothing happens by mistake I cannot be happy. No matter what the outcome, whether I pass or fail, makes no difference in my Higher Power's world because whatever happens there is the way life's goodness flows for me. I have come to believe deeply that should I pass, it is the way my Higher Power has designed my world, and, should I fail, that it is just another way my Higher Power works in my life. Who am I to know for certain that I should get this degree? While it may be true that I think it would be a good thing to get it, how do I know that having such a degree might actually be the worst thing for me in my world? On the other hand, getting the degree might be the very best thing for me at this time of life. When it comes right down to it, I don't know.

Like the author said, I need to not so much try to change the world as change me. And, that's where faith - the antidote to fear, dread and anxiety - comes into play. I have come to believe that my Higher Power has nothing but the very best in store for me, no matter which way this exam situation turns out. And, that is no small accomplishment for an alcoholic like me who once believed he was invincible and all-knowing.

So, here I sit today, waiting for exam results that won't be available for another week and quietly communing with my Higher Power by seeking knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out. Now, I ask, is that a great place to be, or what!

All the best, Roger

New Chapter...

Hi Folks... Hurrah! Exams are finally over, and I'm just waiting for the grades!

Now that my formal coursework and tests are over it's time to turn toward the dissertation phase of my Ph.D. program. I've already got a title and have begun working on it: "The Lived Experience of a Spiritual Transformation in the Everyday Lives of Alcoholic Men in Recovery". (The hoped-for book would be titled: "Celebrating Serenity... the spiritual journeys of 8 men in recovery", but that's another story.) There are any number of hoops I still have to jump through in order for this to be accepted by my Dean and the Dissertation Committee that will work with me on this project for the next 18-24 months. But, it feels good to have the academics behind me.

All of this got me thinking about the spiritual aspects of my progress through the Ph.D. program. Indeed, much of what I have been through these past three years has been spiritually inspired and supported. I have never been quite able to pinpoint why it is that I chose to take up a Ph.D. study program at this stage in my life. Surely, I like the academic atmosphere and the learning. But, an on-line process is really different than the feel of a traditional bricks and mortar school I am most familiar with and I often wonder how I have sustained myself with the program. I think a lot of it has to do with a "power greater than myself" as the 12 Step programs say.

Certainly there is a lot of internal confusion about this, as I begin the process of the dissertation, to pinpoint my own belief system and how I stand in relation to spiritual principles. It has been an on-going process for years now that has to suddenly come to a head because of the nature of my dissertation project. I have chosen a format for the dissertation that will be autobiographical material melded with the stories of eight men who are also in recovery. So, I will be asking myself questions of a spiritual nature that are substantially the same ones I will be asking my research participants. It will be important for me to find, within, the sources of my spiritual energy and it will come from the deep places inside me that are tied directly to my recovery. The confusion arises as I start out because I have, for so many years and like so many people, taken issues of spirituality for granted in my life and not tried to come to a reconciliation of exactly where I stand with issues of God, principles, and the afterlife.

Now, like luggage in the backseat of the car that suddenly comes to a stop, all that "baggage" in my spiritual life comes rushing to the front with this project. It is a little scary and a lot of work, but there is something inside that impels me on this journey. It think it is my spiritual self and the power that I have identified as being in the universe onto which I can attach my mind and soul that moves me so.

How wonderful this all feels that my academic career would bring me to this point. I started this journey as an undergraduate Philosophy major at Stonehill College, got a master's degree in Psychology at Cambridge College, and now find myself at the end of my trek as a doctoral student with a dissertation that is a blend of both disciplines. My Higher Power works in strange and wonderful ways.

Off we go into the wild, blue yonder, "trudging toward my happy destiny" as Bill W. said in the Big Book! I look forward to keeping you informed of the progress.

All the best, Roger

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Holidays to everyone!

One of the difficult parts of my job is that I have to work on Christmas Day. The fact that I work in a residential treatment program means that the patients are always here and presenting for treatment. So, someone has to do it and I generally volunteer because it is a rough time for many young men away from home and family, and I can attend to them when they need help.

However, one of the good things about my job is that I work on Christmas Day! The overall lack of supervisors and fellow workers, combined with the cutbacks in and re-design of the schedule, means I have time to write in my blog.

One of the subjects that typically comes up in 12 Step meetings this time of year is gratitude. Addicts and alcoholics in recovery generally have a lot of gratitude for their new-found life and they love to express it in the halls and rooms of recovery. So, I thought I'd express some of the things I am grateful for this Holiday Season.

Foremost has to be my gratitude for my family. There was a time when I was using that I felt estranged from my family. This was because I was living a lie - about my use - and frequently couldn't be around them much less look them in the eye with the truth. I felt they were moving away from me. A strange aspect to this is that it was only in recovery that I learned that my family had never really left me.

I was enabled by my Mom because she loves me deeply and always would do what she could to help me. She would arrange for money when I was particularly strapped because I refused to take responsibility for my life. I exploited this love and begged and borrowed from her throughout the using years. This was also a hard character defect to shake in early recovery as well and showed how deeply my disease ran. Today I am very grateful for her love and support and am humbled by how much she has stuck by me all these years.

My sister was also a victim to my using as our relationship was cool and distant throughout those years when I felt I was better than everyone else and I didn't need to nurture relationships. But, her love for me and care and concern came when I needed it most: I was struggling with a few years clean in recovery and wanted to give up and die, but she wouldn't let me and confronted me hard when I needed it. I am amazed at her willingness to do this after years of kicking her to the curb. She was - like she usually is - right on the mark about my need to get up, out of bed, stop moping around and get busy with recovery. I am grateful for that.

My now full-grown children also stuck by me and are important parts of my life today. There should be no way that my daughters should be involved with my life after my leaving them at an early age because I was in the throes of addiction and self-centered behaviors. But, here they both are willing to be a part of my life and share their's with me. It's only because I have been present in their life since I got clean that they decided to jump back on my boat as I sail on the river of my life. My son is a joy to me. He never really saw the effects of addiction in his life because he was so small when I left him. I was clean, but I was not well when I lived with him in recovery and he has stuck by me through thick and thin times. He remembers financial poverty, but the abundance of love and I am grateful for him in my life today. These adult children have always made me proud, especially since they have had to overcome the fact that they are children of an alcoholic and addict. I am immensely grateful to them today.

Of course, there is my extended friends and family that has always boosted me up and made me feel very special. This was a liability when I was using because it made me feel I didn't need them and I walked away many times back then. But, in recovery I have grown to appreciate the bonds of extended love in my family and I also have gratitude for this. Like most people, I have a few stalwart friends who never seem to tire of me, my stories and my needs.

I am also grateful for my life today. There was a point once when I didn't want to have a life, when things never made sense to me and I wanted to die. But today, surrounded by family and recovering friends, I feel alive like I had never thought possible before. One of the things that sustains me in this is the freindship I have forged with other members of the 12 Step community, especially Narcotics Anonymous. Fellow addicts have been an inspiration for me since the very beinning of my recovering life and continue so to this day. I am especially grateful for my brothers an sisters who do Hospital and Institutions work with me today.

Gratitude...not only a belief and a feeling, but also a practice that has been in my life since the beginning of my recovery.

Ramblings of the Mind...Buddhism

How quickly the time passes! I've heard from a number of friends who have seen The Happy Hour and they've passed along some wonderful good wishes for the site. Hopefully they will join in with the fun of sharing in some cyber-fellowship about recovery.

I'd like to add some Ramblings of My Mind from time to time as short ways to communicate some ideas about recovery, review a book, share thoughts and feelings, or just ramble on.

I can start things off by telling you about a book I just finished reading. As most of you know, I'm in a Ph.D. program in Psychology at Capella University, and I'm doing some advance research on my dissertation. I picked up an interesting book 12 Steps on Buddha's Path: Bill, Buddha, and Weand couldn't put it down. Laura S. is the author and her use of this pseudonym immediately attracted me to a book about recovery from addictive disease. It's not often that you find a book written by someone in recovery who uses a pseudonym, so I thought this would be a candid look inside the author's mind and heart about recovery. It was.

The 12 Step program of Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous are often regarded as being similar to Buddhist teachings. Sometimes this puts people off because they feel that this ancient, Eastern spirituality is too far out for their tastes. I have found that this is largely because people don't take the time to investigate about Buddhism and how it might relate to their life. For those in recovery, this book offers an inside look not only into how the 12 Steps relate to Buddhism, but also how they can bring fresh eyes to the 12 Steps of recovery.

Laura starts out by giving the reader a quick overview of each of the 12 Steps. This is a good look at what she went through on the journey of her own recovery that started out in the basement of a church in New York City. There, after a failed suicide attempt, 33-year-old Laura found herself in a strange world of recovery after years of decline due to alcohol. She had been a remarkably successful business woman who thought herself invincible and certainly a person above the rank and file of the recovering people she found in that church basement of her first AA meeting. She complained to a sponsor she had found at that meeting (a person who is a spiritual guide through the program) that she had nothing in common with those people and the sponsor told her she was right...they knew how to stop drinking and she didn't! From that moment on, as difficult as some times became, Laura stayed in the AA rooms and managed to not drink.

Strangers loved her back to life, she says, and those strangers also introduced her to the world of spirituality based on Buddhist principles. As Laura tells it, there are Four Noble Truths in Buddism, and they guide the recovering person through the suffering that active alcoholism causes. The First Noble Truth is that the nature of our existence is how stress, dissatisfaction, discomfort and impatience is a part of everyday life and can cause suffering. The Second Noble Truth is that the cause of this suffering is the desire we often have that things be different than they are. The Third Noble Truth is that the end of suffering is letting go of the craving to have things different. And, the Fourth Noble Truth is that the way to end suffering is to follow The Eight Fold Path...wise understanding, wise thought, wise speech, wide livelihood, wise effort, wise mindfulness and wise concentration.

This small space doesn't permit a full explanation of the Truths or how they relate to the 12 Steps, yet there is a real connection that is so clear that some claim Bill W. and Dr. Bob took some of the principles from Buddist teachings. I can't verify that, but certainly, drinking and drugging cause suffering, and that suffering is generally caused by the craving to either possess extreme pleasure or remove some kind of pain.

This book describes the basic idea of recovery based on living by principles, not personalities, and that recovery is available to anyone who makes an attempt to change the focus of their life. Buddhism certainly would represent a major change in focus for most people who seek to make change in their life. Laura S. claims - and I think she's right on here - that the promises from Alcoholics Annonymous list in the Big Book are not only compatible with Buddist teachings, but they are the logical consequence of a life lived to its fullest according to healthy principles.

12 Steps on Buddha's Path is a good, easy and short read. I recommend it to anyone who wants to expand their spiritual horizon.

Roger W.

Welcome!

Welcome to the newest blog on the Internet, The Happy Hour.

I've taken the name from the popular process many people go through in the early evening when they stop by their favorite pub and have a drink before going home.

Obviously, in this case, it's designed as a tongue-in-cheek attempt to capitalize on the irony of having what will be a blog devoted to recovery from alcoholism and other drugs named after this past time.

It's my hope that the writings here will help those who are struggling with the addictive nature of drinking alcohol to excess or uncontrollably taking drugs come to believe that there is hope for lifelong recovery.

Much of what will be written here is personal reflection on a life of 21 years drinking and drugging and 22 years of recovery from the insanity of drinking and drugging. I will offer up some of the personal testimony about my experience, strength and hope. And, I will try to entice some of my recovering friends to do the same.

Most of all, I want this to be an interactive blog. Like most of recovery, it is a "we" effort in which all of us who are interested in recovery join with one another to celebrate serenity and the reprieve we have from the tyranny of alcohol and drug abuse.

May you who read here always find stimulating stories and commentary about recovery and come to these pages with Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness.

Let's enjoy the new happy hour in our lives!

All the best, Roger