Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Holidays to everyone!
One of the difficult parts of my job is that I have to work on Christmas Day. The fact that I work in a residential treatment program means that the patients are always here and presenting for treatment. So, someone has to do it and I generally volunteer because it is a rough time for many young men away from home and family, and I can attend to them when they need help.
However, one of the good things about my job is that I work on Christmas Day! The overall lack of supervisors and fellow workers, combined with the cutbacks in and re-design of the schedule, means I have time to write in my blog.
One of the subjects that typically comes up in 12 Step meetings this time of year is gratitude. Addicts and alcoholics in recovery generally have a lot of gratitude for their new-found life and they love to express it in the halls and rooms of recovery. So, I thought I'd express some of the things I am grateful for this Holiday Season.
Foremost has to be my gratitude for my family. There was a time when I was using that I felt estranged from my family. This was because I was living a lie - about my use - and frequently couldn't be around them much less look them in the eye with the truth. I felt they were moving away from me. A strange aspect to this is that it was only in recovery that I learned that my family had never really left me.
I was enabled by my Mom because she loves me deeply and always would do what she could to help me. She would arrange for money when I was particularly strapped because I refused to take responsibility for my life. I exploited this love and begged and borrowed from her throughout the using years. This was also a hard character defect to shake in early recovery as well and showed how deeply my disease ran. Today I am very grateful for her love and support and am humbled by how much she has stuck by me all these years.
My sister was also a victim to my using as our relationship was cool and distant throughout those years when I felt I was better than everyone else and I didn't need to nurture relationships. But, her love for me and care and concern came when I needed it most: I was struggling with a few years clean in recovery and wanted to give up and die, but she wouldn't let me and confronted me hard when I needed it. I am amazed at her willingness to do this after years of kicking her to the curb. She was - like she usually is - right on the mark about my need to get up, out of bed, stop moping around and get busy with recovery. I am grateful for that.
My now full-grown children also stuck by me and are important parts of my life today. There should be no way that my daughters should be involved with my life after my leaving them at an early age because I was in the throes of addiction and self-centered behaviors. But, here they both are willing to be a part of my life and share their's with me. It's only because I have been present in their life since I got clean that they decided to jump back on my boat as I sail on the river of my life. My son is a joy to me. He never really saw the effects of addiction in his life because he was so small when I left him. I was clean, but I was not well when I lived with him in recovery and he has stuck by me through thick and thin times. He remembers financial poverty, but the abundance of love and I am grateful for him in my life today. These adult children have always made me proud, especially since they have had to overcome the fact that they are children of an alcoholic and addict. I am immensely grateful to them today.
Of course, there is my extended friends and family that has always boosted me up and made me feel very special. This was a liability when I was using because it made me feel I didn't need them and I walked away many times back then. But, in recovery I have grown to appreciate the bonds of extended love in my family and I also have gratitude for this. Like most people, I have a few stalwart friends who never seem to tire of me, my stories and my needs.
I am also grateful for my life today. There was a point once when I didn't want to have a life, when things never made sense to me and I wanted to die. But today, surrounded by family and recovering friends, I feel alive like I had never thought possible before. One of the things that sustains me in this is the freindship I have forged with other members of the 12 Step community, especially Narcotics Anonymous. Fellow addicts have been an inspiration for me since the very beinning of my recovering life and continue so to this day. I am especially grateful for my brothers an sisters who do Hospital and Institutions work with me today.
Gratitude...not only a belief and a feeling, but also a practice that has been in my life since the beginning of my recovery.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Ramblings of the Mind...Buddhism
How quickly the time passes! I've heard from a number of friends who have seen The Happy Hour and they've passed along some wonderful good wishes for the site. Hopefully they will join in with the fun of sharing in some cyber-fellowship about recovery.
I'd like to add some Ramblings of My Mind from time to time as short ways to communicate some ideas about recovery, review a book, share thoughts and feelings, or just ramble on.
I can start things off by telling you about a book I just finished reading. As most of you know, I'm in a Ph.D. program in Psychology at Capella University, and I'm doing some advance research on my dissertation. I picked up an interesting book 12 Steps on Buddha's Path: Bill, Buddha, and We
and couldn't put it down. Laura S. is the author and her use of this pseudonym immediately attracted me to a book about recovery from addictive disease. It's not often that you find a book written by someone in recovery who uses a pseudonym, so I thought this would be a candid look inside the author's mind and heart about recovery. It was.
The 12 Step program of Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous are often regarded as being similar to Buddhist teachings. Sometimes this puts people off because they feel that this ancient, Eastern spirituality is too far out for their tastes. I have found that this is largely because people don't take the time to investigate about Buddhism and how it might relate to their life. For those in recovery, this book offers an inside look not only into how the 12 Steps relate to Buddhism, but also how they can bring fresh eyes to the 12 Steps of recovery.
Laura starts out by giving the reader a quick overview of each of the 12 Steps. This is a good look at what she went through on the journey of her own recovery that started out in the basement of a church in New York City. There, after a failed suicide attempt, 33-year-old Laura found herself in a strange world of recovery after years of decline due to alcohol. She had been a remarkably successful business woman who thought herself invincible and certainly a person above the rank and file of the recovering people she found in that church basement of her first AA meeting. She complained to a sponsor she had found at that meeting (a person who is a spiritual guide through the program) that she had nothing in common with those people and the sponsor told her she was right...they knew how to stop drinking and she didn't! From that moment on, as difficult as some times became, Laura stayed in the AA rooms and managed to not drink.
Strangers loved her back to life, she says, and those strangers also introduced her to the world of spirituality based on Buddhist principles. As Laura tells it, there are Four Noble Truths in Buddism, and they guide the recovering person through the suffering that active alcoholism causes. The First Noble Truth is that the nature of our existence is how stress, dissatisfaction, discomfort and impatience is a part of everyday life and can cause suffering. The Second Noble Truth is that the cause of this suffering is the desire we often have that things be different than they are. The Third Noble Truth is that the end of suffering is letting go of the craving to have things different. And, the Fourth Noble Truth is that the way to end suffering is to follow The Eight Fold Path...wise understanding, wise thought, wise speech, wide livelihood, wise effort, wise mindfulness and wise concentration.
This small space doesn't permit a full explanation of the Truths or how they relate to the 12 Steps, yet there is a real connection that is so clear that some claim Bill W. and Dr. Bob took some of the principles from Buddist teachings. I can't verify that, but certainly, drinking and drugging cause suffering, and that suffering is generally caused by the craving to either possess extreme pleasure or remove some kind of pain.
This book describes the basic idea of recovery based on living by principles, not personalities, and that recovery is available to anyone who makes an attempt to change the focus of their life. Buddhism certainly would represent a major change in focus for most people who seek to make change in their life. Laura S. claims - and I think she's right on here - that the promises from Alcoholics Annonymous list in the Big Book are not only compatible with Buddist teachings, but they are the logical consequence of a life lived to its fullest according to healthy principles.
12 Steps on Buddha's Path is a good, easy and short read. I recommend it to anyone who wants to expand their spiritual horizon.
Roger W.
I'd like to add some Ramblings of My Mind from time to time as short ways to communicate some ideas about recovery, review a book, share thoughts and feelings, or just ramble on.
I can start things off by telling you about a book I just finished reading. As most of you know, I'm in a Ph.D. program in Psychology at Capella University, and I'm doing some advance research on my dissertation. I picked up an interesting book 12 Steps on Buddha's Path: Bill, Buddha, and We
and couldn't put it down. Laura S. is the author and her use of this pseudonym immediately attracted me to a book about recovery from addictive disease. It's not often that you find a book written by someone in recovery who uses a pseudonym, so I thought this would be a candid look inside the author's mind and heart about recovery. It was.The 12 Step program of Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous are often regarded as being similar to Buddhist teachings. Sometimes this puts people off because they feel that this ancient, Eastern spirituality is too far out for their tastes. I have found that this is largely because people don't take the time to investigate about Buddhism and how it might relate to their life. For those in recovery, this book offers an inside look not only into how the 12 Steps relate to Buddhism, but also how they can bring fresh eyes to the 12 Steps of recovery.
Laura starts out by giving the reader a quick overview of each of the 12 Steps. This is a good look at what she went through on the journey of her own recovery that started out in the basement of a church in New York City. There, after a failed suicide attempt, 33-year-old Laura found herself in a strange world of recovery after years of decline due to alcohol. She had been a remarkably successful business woman who thought herself invincible and certainly a person above the rank and file of the recovering people she found in that church basement of her first AA meeting. She complained to a sponsor she had found at that meeting (a person who is a spiritual guide through the program) that she had nothing in common with those people and the sponsor told her she was right...they knew how to stop drinking and she didn't! From that moment on, as difficult as some times became, Laura stayed in the AA rooms and managed to not drink.
Strangers loved her back to life, she says, and those strangers also introduced her to the world of spirituality based on Buddhist principles. As Laura tells it, there are Four Noble Truths in Buddism, and they guide the recovering person through the suffering that active alcoholism causes. The First Noble Truth is that the nature of our existence is how stress, dissatisfaction, discomfort and impatience is a part of everyday life and can cause suffering. The Second Noble Truth is that the cause of this suffering is the desire we often have that things be different than they are. The Third Noble Truth is that the end of suffering is letting go of the craving to have things different. And, the Fourth Noble Truth is that the way to end suffering is to follow The Eight Fold Path...wise understanding, wise thought, wise speech, wide livelihood, wise effort, wise mindfulness and wise concentration.
This small space doesn't permit a full explanation of the Truths or how they relate to the 12 Steps, yet there is a real connection that is so clear that some claim Bill W. and Dr. Bob took some of the principles from Buddist teachings. I can't verify that, but certainly, drinking and drugging cause suffering, and that suffering is generally caused by the craving to either possess extreme pleasure or remove some kind of pain.
This book describes the basic idea of recovery based on living by principles, not personalities, and that recovery is available to anyone who makes an attempt to change the focus of their life. Buddhism certainly would represent a major change in focus for most people who seek to make change in their life. Laura S. claims - and I think she's right on here - that the promises from Alcoholics Annonymous list in the Big Book are not only compatible with Buddist teachings, but they are the logical consequence of a life lived to its fullest according to healthy principles.
12 Steps on Buddha's Path is a good, easy and short read. I recommend it to anyone who wants to expand their spiritual horizon.
Roger W.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Welcome!
Welcome to the newest blog on the Internet, The Happy Hour.
I've taken the name from the popular process many people go through in the early evening when they stop by their favorite pub and have a drink before going home.
Obviously, in this case, it's designed as a tongue-in-cheek attempt to capitalize on the irony of having what will be a blog devoted to recovery from alcoholism and other drugs named after this past time.
It's my hope that the writings here will help those who are struggling with the addictive nature of drinking alcohol to excess or uncontrollably taking drugs come to believe that there is hope for lifelong recovery.
Much of what will be written here is personal reflection on a life of 21 years drinking and drugging and 22 years of recovery from the insanity of drinking and drugging. I will offer up some of the personal testimony about my experience, strength and hope. And, I will try to entice some of my recovering friends to do the same.
Most of all, I want this to be an interactive blog. Like most of recovery, it is a "we" effort in which all of us who are interested in recovery join with one another to celebrate serenity and the reprieve we have from the tyranny of alcohol and drug abuse.
May you who read here always find stimulating stories and commentary about recovery and come to these pages with Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness.
Let's enjoy the new happy hour in our lives!
All the best, Roger
I've taken the name from the popular process many people go through in the early evening when they stop by their favorite pub and have a drink before going home.
Obviously, in this case, it's designed as a tongue-in-cheek attempt to capitalize on the irony of having what will be a blog devoted to recovery from alcoholism and other drugs named after this past time.
It's my hope that the writings here will help those who are struggling with the addictive nature of drinking alcohol to excess or uncontrollably taking drugs come to believe that there is hope for lifelong recovery.
Much of what will be written here is personal reflection on a life of 21 years drinking and drugging and 22 years of recovery from the insanity of drinking and drugging. I will offer up some of the personal testimony about my experience, strength and hope. And, I will try to entice some of my recovering friends to do the same.
Most of all, I want this to be an interactive blog. Like most of recovery, it is a "we" effort in which all of us who are interested in recovery join with one another to celebrate serenity and the reprieve we have from the tyranny of alcohol and drug abuse.
May you who read here always find stimulating stories and commentary about recovery and come to these pages with Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness.
Let's enjoy the new happy hour in our lives!
All the best, Roger
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