Recovery Month...

Just found out that someone from the Recovery Month unit at the US Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is following this blog. They are a great organization, so I thought I would give them a plug.

Recovery Month is an annual observance that takes place during the month of September.

The Recovery Month observance highlights the societal benefits of substance abuse treatment, lauds the contributions of treatment providers and promotes the message that recovery from substance abuse in all its forms is possible. The observance also encourages citizens to take action to help expand and improve the availability of effective substance abuse treatment for those in need. Each year a new theme, or emphasis, is selected for the observance.

Recovery Month provides a platform to celebrate people in recovery and those who serve them. Each September, thousands of treatment programs around the country celebrate their successes and share them with their neighbors, friends, and colleagues in an effort to educate the public about treatment, how it works, for whom, and why. Substance abuse treatment providers have made significant accomplishments, having transformed the lives of untold thousands of Americans. These successes often go unnoticed by the broader population; therefore, Recovery Month provides a vehicle to celebrate these successes.

Recovery Month also serves to educate the public on substance abuse as a national health crisis, that addiction is a treatable disease, and that recovery is possible. Recovery Month highlights the benefits of treatment for not only the affected individual, but for their family, friends, workplace, and society as a whole. Educating the public reduces the stigma associated with addiction and treatment. Accurate knowledge of the disease helps people to understand the importance of supporting treatment programs, those who work within the treatment field, and those in need of treatment.

Recovery Month is more than just a month-long celebration of everything about recovery from addiction. This year's theme is "Join the Voices of Recovery...Now More Than Ever". Their web site at http://www.recoverymonth.gov is the most authoritative place to find activities and events that might be scheduled in your state. For those states where is there are no scheduled events, perhaps you, your employer, or organization can sponsor one during September.

So check out The Recovery Month site and have some fun in recovery!

All the best, Roger W.

Fear of Fear Itself...

Most often, addicts or alcoholics in early recovery are afraid to express emotions that have lived dormant for many years. There is the sense that, should the emotions be released, they would be flooded with panic and unbearable pain. The situation can be like having a phobia ("emophobia"?) against the expression of emotions.

I have a patient who is so afraid of expressing emotion that he breaks into a sweat, flushes his face, reports heart palpitations and starts to shiver at the mere thought of expressing an emotion. He envisions himself collapsing in front of everyone, writhing on the ground, soiling his pants and having people around him laughing, taunting and humiliating him. He says he is basically afraid of "looking stupid in front of everyone" should he show any emotion that he thinks other people do not expect from him.

This may be a far-fetched example, but herein lies the key to a problem many people have. The self talk that this man uses to justify he is right to fear emotional expression is inside the notion that it will not please people to hear how he really feels. At root, he may be a perfectionistic people-pleaser. If this is true, then the remedy for the situation is to find out how people around him would actually think and feel about what he has to say. Undoubtedly, their thoughts would not be what he predicts, for few people humiliate others simply because they express feelings. Then, armed with the facts of the situation, he would be in a position to learn that his fears are unfounded and that he can change his approach. Once he expresses an emotion, gets positive feedback from it, and learns that he comes way unharmed, he ought to see how his fears are reduced. This will make it easier to express feelings the next time.

Of course, the whole point of this work is to prevent relapse. Too often we are using alcohol and other drugs as ways to avoid emotions or soften the impact of emotions felt and expressed. I am pessimistic about my patient because he is so stubbornly entrenched in his unhealthy beliefs and fears. But, I have been optimistic about others who have this problem when they link the fear to the act of using. Once there is a link and the person sees how destructive harboring fearful emotions can be, they usually agree to try the method I mentioned.

Naturally, one of the best and safest places to express emotions is at a 12 Step meeting. There, people will listen because they have often experienced the same emotions and fear and are willing to help a person through them. There is hope for recovery once we see that our emotions are not to be feared, but expressed in straight forward and creative ways. The 12 Steps are designed to help a person come to believe that there is hope for recovery and, armed with power obtained from working the steps, we are fearless in facing life on life's terms.

All the best, Roger W.

We are not alone...

On page 94 of the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text it reads, "We re-evaluate our old ideas, so we can become acquainted with the new ideas that lead to a new way of life." One of the old ideas I had to abandon in recovery was that I can go through life alone, solving my own problems my way, and not reaching out for help to anyone. That is not the way recovery works.

For me, there was one lesson that I learned early in life: You had to solve your own problems. I was taught to be independent, to not rely on anyone, to be self-sustaining. I was told that to be a real man, one needed to prove to the world that he could handle the problems of life without recourse to others. That to seek help was a sign of weakness was ingrained in me. And, that there was no one out there who would care enough about me to help me through life was the hallmark of the dog-eat-dog world I lived in. This was not just taught by those closest to me, but seemingly by every man I came into contact with who appeared to be going their own way through life and rising or falling based on their own skills and talents and sometime luck. Consequently, I found as a young man that the world was a harsh and uncompromising place that expected me to re-invent solutions to problems. This meant I was alone in confronting the difficulties of having and maintaining relationships, of finding and sustaining employment, of negotiating agreements with my peers, and of reconciling myself with God and spiritual principles.

These were very old ideas, indeed. They carried me from adolescence through my early 40s. They turned out to be the guiding principles of a failure in life to survive the "slings and arrows of outrageous deceits" that could be perpetrated on any one of us. And, they led to a breakdown in my ability to function as a man. Late into my teens I first turned to alcohol and then to other drugs to help me cope with this failure to manage life's problems. Drugs did for me what I thought I could no longer do for myself. And, the old idea that I could go it alone resulted in my best efforts to make sense of the world through the use of chemicals that eventually betrayed me by also failing to produce the victories in life I thought I could experience with them.

When I first got clean from drugs I quickly learned that I could not stay sober alone. I did not know the first thing about recovery after leaving a treatment facility when I was 40 years old, and, if I was to use the way I had been taught to go it alone, I had the intuitive sense that I would fail. I had been introduced to the fellowship of Narcotic Anonymous during treatment and one of its key ideas is that I, alone, am completely powerless over alcohol and other drugs. So, if I was to make it, I needed to reach out to others and get help and advice as to how I could survive. Those messages came to me in the form of the 12 Steps of recovery and it's no coincidence that the Second Step suggests that only through reaching out to a power greater than myself could I have hope for recovery. I was taught by my sponsor that I had to abandon the idea that I could do it alone and first turn to the Fellowship for help and then come to believe the was power for me by help from the God of my own understanding.

That was how I came to understand that there was a new way of thinking that could lead to a new way of life. No longer did I have to figure out recovery on my own. No longer did I have to stand alone, stalwart against the onslaught of relapse warning signs and symptoms. Moreover, no longer did I have to grapple with life-long problems of reconciling myself to my God and the spiritual principles that I wanted to guide my life. To this day I find, through the 12 Step Fellowships, the help and guidance I need as a mature man to make it through and successfully cope with life on life's terms.

This is gratifying. Because I had help I now can look back on victories over problems rather than defeats. I can see that no matter how life goes, I will survive. I can rely on people to help me today. This has made all the difference in my recovery and allowed me to live a productive life. For that, I am eternally grateful.

All the best, Roger W.

It's a disease...

Some of us are surprised and confused to learn that what we have is a primary disease of addiction when we first come into recovery. In fact, some people are upset to have this condition characterised as a disease. However, make no mistake about it, the overwhelming evidence is that addiction is an illness within our brains that has all the charateristics of a traditional disease. Yet, some people stubbornly refuse to accept this and either claim it is a deficiency of willpower or merely a symptom of something going on deeper in our psyche. We must not be confused by this.

What is a disease? It can be defined as a condition within the human body in which the normal structure or function of any body part, organ, or system is changed, and that is seen by a characteristic set of typical problems and signs whose start, presentation, and estimate of its future course is known or unknown. This condition can be chronic (occuring regularly for years), incurable and deadly. Sound familiar? If it does, you are seeing addiction for what it is: A condition in which the normal functioning of the brain is changed and that a set of typical problems and signs arise that we do not know the cause for, how it will present in individuals or its future course. It is chronic, incurable and deadly if untreated. It can, like the diseases of the heart or diabetes, be arrested, stopped for a while, so long as daily and consistently treatment takes place.

Notice that we can distinguish between addiction and abuse of all drugs. A person abuses drugs when there are some consequences from their use - some problems that arise in their life - that are directly tied to the using. A DUI from driving when intoxicated, divorce when a spouse leaves due to the drinking, a fatty liver (a precursor to chirrosis), loss of a job, increased depression, etc., are all examples of the kinds of problems that can arise when people abuse a substance.

Addiction (dependence) is different. A person can be said to be addicted to a drug when there is tolerance - it takes more of the drug to get the same effect - or, when there is withdrawal - when the drug is discontinued for a while - or, when the person's life is preoccupied by getting and using the drug that effects major aspects of their life, PLUS the fact that there are problems that come from the using. If a person expriences these things as a result of using, they are said to be addicted.

My own definition for addiction is that a person uses a substance, person, place, thing or situation despite any threat or consequence. This takes in a lot if you think about it. Addiction can be so powerful that it changes the way we think, which is, after all, the fundamental purpose of the brain. It can make us think that drinking or drugging is natural, healthy and necessary for our survival. It can make us use it because of the biological necessity of having it in our system even though there are tremendous consequences.

People who do not know about the disease of addiction can sometimes make the mistake that it is the person themselves who makes the choice to use drugs. This is far from the truth and why many treatments that just focus on the thinking about addiction fail to make lasting changes. In fact, the person who is abusing has choice, but the dependent (addicted) person can no more choose not to drink than they can change their eye color or height. Addiction has become engrained in their brain and willpower has been hijacked, rendered impotent, and ineffecutal in the face of enormous consequences.

So, the next time you see someone who may be addicted as defined above, consider that they need treatment that will help them stop the disease in its tracks and restore willpower to its rightful place within the brain to regulate the person's life.

All the best, Roger W.

Fellowship...

One of the comforting things about being involved with a 12 Step program is the fellowship it affords with other recovering people. Fellowship is not a common word in today's lexicon. We are often too busy with commitments to afford the time to sit and enjoy others, and the ever-present cell phone sometimes has a mind of its own that draws us away from relationships. If you are like me, then you occasionally seek out chances to be with others to renew the bond.

That's what fellowship in Narcotics and Alcoholics Anonymous programs do: They provide the recovering person with a time and place to enjoy maximum contact with other people who have experience, strength, and hope to share about recovery. Addiction is a disease of many things, but primarily it is a disease of isolation. Whether we used in public or private, we sooner or later came to realize that we were alone in our addictive behavior, hiding it from everyone we could who was healthy in our lives, and avoiding prolonged contact with those we did use with. When we were trying to get the drugs, we were obsessed with finding them and using them so there was little time or need to get to know people around us for who they really were. When we were using drugs, we held ourselves away from people because we certainly didn't want to share and needed to protect our supply. And, when we were coming down in withdrawal we avoided people so they would not see our pain. NA and AA know these things and that is why they ask we share recovery in fellowship with other people.

Certainly, fellowship comes in many forms, but the most recent examples for me are impressive markers for how far I have come in moving away from being isolated. There are the meetings I attend where I join with others in the rituals of our recovery, reading passages from our literature and listening to speakers or sharing our story. There are the times when I speak on the phone about NA business or just to hear a friend in recovery talk about their pain or joy. But, the most recent situations that have impressed me with the opportunity for fellowship come from working with fellow addicts on projects related to the Hospitals and Institutions subcommittee we work on for NA. H&I is a group of people who carry the message of recovery to people who cannot make it to a regular NA meeting such as those in detoxes, jails, or hospitals. There is a remarkable bonding that occurs among a group of people who are devoting time and energy to helping others and the H&I work we do gives each of us a chance to benefit from that bonding.

Truly, the organizers of the 12 Step programs were geniuses. We know that. But, we often don't think about the fact that one of the things that most clearly shows that genius is in the simple phrase, "We can't keep what we are not willing to give away." This sounds paradoxical to many outside the program, but it means that a recovering person cannot hold onto recovery without giving away their message of recovery to people who are suffering in the throes of addiction. An H&I panel discussion in a facility is not the only way to do that. The opportunity for fellowship with other recovering people at meetings, coffee hours afterwards, dances, trips, conventions and simple one-on-one talks also spreads that message.

So, today, I am not isolated in some deep, dark hole of addictive behavior, but I stand in the bright sunshine among my peers whose love and compassion are felt every day. And, for that, I am truly grateful.

All the best, Roger W.

Another celebrity death...

Actor Corey Haim recently died and speculation immediately started that this long-time addict had succumbed to a drug overdose. I do not know if the coroner's office has made a final ruling as of today, but there has been an arrest in the case and Haim was known to have been involved with illegal prescriptions in the past.

Regardless, this is another case of young people dying too soon from either the direct or indirect effects of drug abuse and dependence. I know of three adolescents who died of overdoses last year. They had been treated where I work. It never gets easy hearing that news. Especially when we know it is a preventable death because we know that treatment works.

A colleague was recently asked if treatment works for young addicted people on CNN's American Morning show. I think his answer goes a long way to again inform people that treatment is not a quick, spin-dry operation of 30 days or so. Treatment takes many forms but certainly one of them is that it can last a while depending on the person's individual needs. Clearly, a fella like Corey Haim had problems that were missed in any of the 15 treatments he had for his disease. Perhaps he could have used more.

All the best, Roger W.

Pick your pain...

Ayn Rand, the famous rugged individualist writer of the mid-20^th century once said, “You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.” This is certainly true for everyone, but especially true for the active alcoholic and drug addict and has led me to thoughts about what a relapsing lifestyle looks like as opposed to a recovering lifestyle.

After years of studying the matter – in terms of “personal research” before and after recovery as well as professional addictions therapy for 19 years – I can summarize addiction and relapse in two short phrases:

Short-term gain, always leads to long-term pain.

Short-term pain, always leads to long term gain.

Short-term gain is always followed by long-term pain. Whatever one avoids – and addicts are notorious for avoiding reality at all costs - one is destined to repeat because the avoided person, place, thing, or situation is always there. Whatever is avoided is either in front of us or to the side, but always present in our lives because it has not been addressed and worked through. The pain that follows this avoidance can be as hurtful as life-long shame, guilt, fear, worry, or the nagging sense of a meaningless life that seems to go on forever without relief. When we have intentionally avoided those things in our lives that could cause us discomfort, we are setting ourselves up to feel that discomfort for a long time, perhaps forever. I have concluded that active addicts and alcoholics would rather suffer long-term pain than short-term pain. This is confusing because we would think that a person would want to remove pain from their lives. But, no so the addict or alcoholic who would often prefer to suffer what is known rather than suffer what is unknown, i.e., they know how to cope with the pain of rejection, shame, guilt, remorse, etc. by using. Regrettably, there are no guarantees when it comes to suffering and the active addict or alcoholic always looks for the sure thing to bet on.

The solution to the problem of relapse is to flip the script, i.e., learn how to suffer through small pains to get to the good stuff embedded in serenity. Recovery is based on the principle that as long as I am abstinent and following a program of recovering principles in my life, I have nothing to fear. It essentially says that there is no problem so great that it cannot be solved, and there is no pain so great that it cannot be endured. Recovery is based on the ability to suffer through painful experiences or times when I may be discomforted, disquieted, or otherwise feel some level of pain.

I have come to rely heavily on the principle of having the presence of my Higher Power in my daily life that is underlying Step 11. The key phrase of this step is “prayed only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.” When I seek knowledge of what is going on in my world so that I might get the power to carry out life on life’s terms I am comforted because I know that the slings and arrows of this world can never really hurt me in the end. Rather, these can be superficial, not mortal, wounds that I will survive because of my faith that the world will never have in it anything that I cannot endure or overcome. My mind can conjure up some nasty things that could happen to my family or me but even with those things, I have come to believe that I will never be given anything that I cannot handle.

Short-term pain, in any form, will eventually end and I can get on with the good stuff of living.

Long-term pain, in any form, will last forever.

Therefore, I usually ask people in treatment, “Pick your pain…do you want it over quickly or do you want it to last forever?” Most people answer that they want it done with fast. Moreover, this is as it should be. However, many of these do not see the numerous chances to suffer little problems in order to get to the great goals of serenity and happiness.

In some respects, masochistic as it may sound, I cannot wait every day to bear the little things so I can benefit from that suffering. It is something I learned through Steps 3 and 11 and carry with me every day.

All the best, Roger W.

Just for Today...

I had just checked in to the Lutsen Lodge along the north shore of Lake Superior for a few days of relaxation when it hit me. I wandered into the bar to wait for them to prepare my room because I had just eaten and did not want to go into the restaurant. Then, suddenly, it occurred to me that I could have a drink. "After all," I said to myself, "who would know?"

When this happens - and it happens still every now and then even after 22 years clean - I am amazed at its power. I can be hit with a rationalization and justification to drink and in a brief moment I can think about throwing it all away. For an instant, drinking can seem to be better for me than staying sober, and the obsession can rear it ugly head to make me think that my best interests, my future, my hopes and my dreams all reside inside a bottle. This is astounding to me because to drink alcohol certainly is insanity for me.

It is no wonder that so many people in early recovery roll over and give in to the suggestion that drinking is OK when it presents itself in such a subtle and diabolical way as it did to me in that bar this afternoon. I can only conclude that my potential relapse came as the end result of a longer process of unhealthy thinking that first led me into the bar and then to the idea that a drink would be a good idea. That is real cunning. That is real power. And, that is real dangerous. I can just imagine how some peoples' willpower gives in to this kind of pressure and how those who are new in recovery might not see these early signs that lead up to the idea that one, simple drink would be alright.

The incident reminded me of what happened to Bill W. that day in the lobby of the Akron hotel he was staying at on that fateful busines trip. When he resisted the lure of the bar at one end of the lobby for the telephone at the other end he began a process that resulted in the creation of AA.  It may be nothing but AA folklore, but I read that in order to get the nickles he needed for the phone calls, Bill went into the bar to cash a dollar bill instead of to the front desk. It was at that moment that he too must have thought, "Who would know?" But, armed with the belief he could only resist a drink if he made the phone calls looking for another drunk to talk with, Bill walked to the phones and found Dr. Bob.

Today, I have no Dr. Bob to call, so I write to readers of my blog instead. Today, I rely on my Higher Power to pull me through. Standing in that bar I knew I was in trouble, and I prayed that the obsession to use would be lifted from me. It was. And, I promptly came to my room when it was ready and started to write. Now, the power of the drink is gone and I am restored to sanity: I said to myself, "It is not that anyone would know... it's that I would know."

I love that last part. When confronted with what might ordinarily be a disasterous event, I prevail thanks to the program of AA and NA that saves me from certain death. It again teaches me that, left up to my own devices, I would choose to get loaded and high, but choosing to rely on my Higher Power brings me to sobriety, joy and success.

So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

All the best, Roger W.

Workaholism...

Occasionally, when I have the time, I'll read the daily entry in a book called Meditations for Men Who Do Too Much (A Fireside/Parkside Meditation Book) just to get to the nitty-gritty, deep-down-to-your-toes scoop on my life. It's almost always an eye opener.

Whether is nature or nurture I am not sure, but the raw fact is that I am a man who is driven to do a lot of work-related tasks in my daily life. Perhaps I am biologically set up to be a man who compulsively does many things simultaneously. Or, perhaps it was my upbringing that taught me to not waste time on frivolities of life. Certainly, which ever is the case, I am someone who many people say should write a book when they learn about my multi-tasking history. Just the other day, a colleague was marveling at what pace I seem to keep with my school work, professional responsibilities, friendships and now, a blog. She said she felt, "like a slug" when comparing her world to mine. And, I immediately felt bad that I project an image of being a snob who is capable of accomplishing many things while at the same time secretly gloating over the knowledge that I was ahead of others both in my work and in my private life. This is not good.

Today's entry in Meditations For Men Who Do Too Much is interesting in this regard. When thinking about what really makes me strong, am I engaging in a grandiose myth by refusing to accept and tolerate weaknesses I may have in my life? "Workaholics rarely have the courage for self-confrontation. We're too busy trying to control, fearing that if we pause to examine our actions, we really will bleed - right to the last gasp" the writer says in reference to denial which is the chief characteristic of workaholism. We workaholics never want to admit that we're bleeding despite copious amounts of blood on the floor. We never want to appear to be wounded. We despise the idea that we are normal and somehow define ourselves by what we produce, rather than by who we are and what we stand for. Somehow, deep down, there is this missing piece of us we try to fill with work.

Of course, the jump to seeing that this missing piece can also be filled by alcohol and drugs is easy to see. I can recall that my worse moments with drugs seemed to coincide with times when my work was going either magnificently smooth ("Hey, Let's have a party!"), or when it was crushed beneath the weight of being passed over for a raise or fired (Hey, Look at me, the loser!"). I would drink or take drugs to enhance my achievement or forget about my failures. This was particularly true toward the end of active addiction when I worked for a major weekly entertainment magazine and I would use to push me over the top toward the exhilaration of "scoring a big one", or cushion my slide into oblivion when I had failed my editor. In many respects, because I always felt that the achievements were ephemeral, and I was unworthy of them in the first place, what I thought was celebrating success was actually warding off the demons that told me I was no good. So, no matter the outcome - success or failure - when it came to my work I always needed to get high.

This is not an easy piece of self-awareness to shake and its difficulty is obviously why so few men actually confront themselves about the possibility of being a workaholic...someone who might be replacing the use of alcohol or other drugs with fits of energy to ward off the demons. Yet, today, I am able to see myself as I truly am and to work a program of recovery that includes that self-awareness. Today, I recognize that I need to build more time into my daily life that allows me the chance to take it easy, sit back every now and again, and re-charge my batteries.

The first thing I've decided to do is take a mini-vacation. Tomorrow I leave for Lutsen MN, a resort on the North shore of Lake Superior, for some rest and relaxation. I plan to get a massage a day, read a fiction novel, eat good food, make photographs with an old film camera, and rest. I hope to return with a fresh outlook and every now and then turn my attention to something absolutely frivolous. I intend to play more in my life. In other words, I will attack my workaholism denial and find the power to overcome it. My guess is that this will help to recover some of the serenity I am missing in my life. And, oh, by the way, I intend to make the time to read the Meditations for Men Who Do Too Much every day.

All the best, Roger W.

CoDependency...

I'm reading a book, The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation , by Melody Beattie and I am fascinated by it. I had read her first, ground-breaking book on codependency, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, after I had gone through 10 days of codependency treatment a short while after graduating from chemical dependency treatment in the late 1980s. That experience was, in every respect, the most important experience of my life. The New Codependency brings back many memories and feelings about one of the most prevelant and deadly of all addiction-related diseases.

Codependency is a hidden condition. Whether or not is fits the classic definition of a disease is debateable, but it certainly is a chronic, life-threatening condition some people find themselves in when they are connected to someone who is chemically dependent. This is the essential way people have defined codependency, that people get enmeshed with a drug or alcohol abuser such that they are as affected by the drug as the user is, but there are other ways to be codependent on other people, places, things, or situations that can ruin a life. Melody makes this point very convincingly in the book. Since codependency has come out of the shadows of addition treatment there has been growing concern that many, many people live their lives for someone else and do not know how to take care of themselves...what Melody says is the thematic pattern of codependent people. The trouble is that few people either know about or want to admit being codependent and it lies within a person for years, leaking out its venom in behaviors that a person may engage in without real knowledge or appreciation for what causes dysfunctional relationships.

In my own case, I have always defined codependency as a condition in which a person becomes addicted to the dramatic quality of their own lives. The life of a codependent person is fraught with problems associated with the alcoholic or drug addict, and these problems often become so prominent in their daily lives that they come to expect them to happen. They become traits in the codependent person. Moreover, they become conditions of suffering that the codependent person wants to scream out to everyone, "See how bad things are for me!" Not everyone reacts this way, but by and large language and conversation of a codependent person becomes more or less related to the other, addicted person. Everything about their lives is in relation to how this addicted person behaves, treats them, creates situations that are perplexing, or dangerous and threatening to the codpendent person. The ultimate example of this is spousal abuse, both physical and mental, in which a codependent victim - unwilling to detach from the addicted perpetrator - becomes victim to that person's rage and dies at their hands. There are active deaths in which the person is killed, or slow deaths in which, over decades, a codependent contracts other illnesses of stress, bodily dysfunction, and mental problems that isolates them and ultimately kills them. All of this due to the drama in their lives.

I am a codependent, having lived in a situation for years that I could not manage but had to cope with daily and threatened my life. This has led me to another aphorism I believe: Not every codependent is an addict, but certainly every addict is a codependent. It's a fact of life that addicts live in relation to others, either through the lying and manipualtion they do or through the enmeshment with others that is caused by the addiction itself, and this often keeps them involved with the drug and the lifestyle of a drug addict. I was once addicted to the drama such that I needed to know there was drama and reaffirm it to everyone in order to justify my drug use. As a result, I dragged everyone in my life down with me.

Melody makes larger and better arguments about these points much more eloquently. I would invite anyone who lives with an addicted person, or anyone who feels they must care for and nurture an addicted person, thing, or situation to read her book. At the same time, I would learn the principles of constructive detachment from that addict and begin the process of self-care so as to escape the addict's gravitational pull that wants to drive you into the ground. Your life depends on this awareness and plan.

All the best, Roger W.

Power...

I am continually impressed by the power of the disease of addiction. Each day I am confronted by the power that the disease holds over people who otherwise are lovable, personable and well-intentioned. Instead, they become unendearing, disagreeable, mean-spirited people who are driven to satisfy self ends. I'm certain the someone would get the Nobel Prize if they could pin down why this happens for certain, but there are clues.

Using drugs changes the way the brain works because addiction is a brain disease. In effect, drug users' brains are broken. Addled by the drugs (to paraphrase Eugene O'Neill), people are saddled with the effects. The brain becomes confused: It thinks that the enormous pleasure and relief that comes from the drug is the normal process for its functioning and it becomes used to them in the system. Some drugs create their own demand in the nerve cells and alter them to fit the way the drug wants the cell to behave. All drugs create a condition in which tolerance and withdrawal become a chief characteristic of the nerve's functioning. To be able to change nerve cells - and ultimately the way the brain functions - shows the substances have enormous power. Moreover, this power compromises one of mankind's greatest assets, willpower, and the person is most often left with no capacity to repair this broken system on their own.

Thus, the second stage of the drug's power kicks in even when the person is technically not using any drugs. When abstinent, the nerve cells throb for attention and demand the drugs they had become so accustomed to feed on. When not there, the nerves goes crazy, and this is what we call the cravings and urges to use that overcome many people. Relapsing, bringing drugs back into the broken nerve cells, is often the only thing that can quell the screaming tantrum that nerve cells exhibit when deprived of their drug. Willpower is immobilized, frozen into a state of panic, and it's only value to the relapsing addict or alcoholic is to find a way to get more and use drugs. This is the reason that other people often see the signs and symptoms of relapse much earlier than when the person is often using and we have called this stage the "dry drunk sundrome".

How to restore power to willpower is the chief motive for drug treatment. To fix a broken brain requires the infusion of the food upon which willpower derives its energy...principles, ideas, morals, values, and meaning in life. Absent these things we have a situation about which we discussed earlier when we talked about having meaning in life that Viktor Frankl spoke about (see posting February 27, 2010). The parts of the brain that deal with meaning in life had been hijacked by the drugs and now must be restored to their rightful place as the governing forces of the brain's activity. In other words, willpower must be given the power to act in the addict's best interest which is to thrive, prosper and ultimately to live.

Those of us who believe in the 12 Steps of recovery feel strongly that this power can come from working through the steps. One gets power restored to their brains that can overcome the cravings and urges to use. Yes, it happens every day to milions of recovering people that their willpower to live can override the willpower to use. This ability is restored particularly through the process of Step Two whereby a person gets an infusion of spirituality necessary to have a meaningful life. When principles, morals, values and meaningfulness come back into a person's life, they become lovable, personable and well-intentioned. Their brains become whole again and their addiction is arrested so that it can no longer run and ruin the person's life.

That capacity means power can be restored and the power of the addiction can be rendered impotent. And, that is quite a miracle to watch everyday for which I am very grateful.

All the best, Roger W.

Ramblings...

The reading in the Narcotics Anonymous daily meditation book Just for Today: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts is spot on for someone like me who works in the field of addictions recovery. It talks about self-care and the tendency to forget from whence I came that makes all of us who work with recovering people vulnernable to relapse.

"Things can get really good in our recovery" it says and sometimes blind us to the pitfalls that can trip us up. It refers to whether or not I am doing the kinds of things I used to do in early recovery, like attending enough meetings, getting a sponsor, and practicing principles in all our affairs. This reading challenges me to think about where I am in recovery and whether I continue to do things that help me live in a healthy way. Sure enough, there are many things that are really good in my world today. My family is emotionally close at hand, and my relationships with close friends is real and constantly being nurtured. My school work for my Ph.D. is going well, and I was recently blessed with finding the three professors for my committee whom I had as first choices - not a small issue when it comes to academic processes. My health is good (I'm finally losing some weight and exercising), and I work in a profession and at a clinic that is the best in the world for treating adolescent addiction. Clearly things are going very well indeed.

But...there are wrinkles as well. I haven't "worked the steps" in quite a while, go to only a few meetings a month, and still can't find a sponsor. I sometimes justify these holes in me life by saying that I am deeply involved in NA work through the Hospitals & Institutions subcommittee I chair and the fact that my work is virutally a full time 12-Step call with recovering people. But, the real question is, is this enough for me and my needs in recovery to stay well? I'm beginning to think it is not enough. I'm not experiencing obesessions about using, and I don't have cravings. I think the relapse warning signs, triggers and high risk situations I could get into are well-managed. Moreover, I practice principles in my life today that can insultate me from these things. Yet, there is the lingering doubt that they alone are not enough.

My program teaches that only by maintaining a spiritual connection with my Higher Power can I stay clean. I think that today's reading is a wakeup call for me to do spiritual things to nurture my soul and help focus on the requirements for my recovery, namely, to get a sponsor, plan for more meetings in my week and work the steps through reading and writing about them. If I do those things, then I know I have nothing to fear, and my life will continue to grow and prosper.

All the best, Roger W.

Addiction treatment referral service...

I'm usually not one to attempt to dramatize the effects of drinking or using drugs on the average person. I believe strongly in Step One of the 12 Step programs that says we must admit to ourselves that we are powerless over the drug and that our life is unmanageable before much progress can be made in lifelong recovery. So, ordinarily, I will let them decide for themselves whether or not their drinking or drug use is causing them serious enough problems for them to stop using. Everyone hits their own bottom when it comes to drug use or alcoholism.

But, there is a way to intervene into someone's life and help them come to that realization sooner rather than later. In recovery we call that raising the bottom for someone so they do not have to fall as far as they could. Such is the spirit behind a video I caught recently published by the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service which is a central telephone system that will connect people to treatment services in their area or throughout the United States. The video is designed to help someone detect if they - or someone they know or love - has a drinking problem. Some parts of it are a bit corny and over the top, but the spirit is good and worthwhile watching...

Alcoholism is a preventable disease of the brain. Just because someone can't see straight when they are "blind drunk", or walk straight when they are "tipsy" does not mean it is an eye disease or a leg disease. It's a brain disease. Millions of Americans have this disease and, were it any other disease known to mankind, there would be outrage at the number of people who suffer from it. Efforts to help people detect the signs and symptoms of the disease ought to be applauded.

If you or someone you know has this brain disease, call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service at 800-662-4357. When I called the other day to do a test run of the phone number for this blog, I found a friendly young man at the service who directed me to two treatment programs in my city. It doesn't get any simpler than that.

A Tutorial...

One of the things I want to do for those of you new to the blogesphere is how to negotiate around these pages.

You can comment on any of the postings by clicking on the word "comment" or the pencil that appears beneath each blog entry. Just click on either and write a note about your thoughts or feelings and we'll all participate in the work here.

To find blog entries I've made that do not appear on the front page as you scroll down, go to the Archive section in the right panel and click on the day or month of entries you may have missed. Once there you can read what you like.

You can also click on the Google Ads that are on the right hand panel and go to the page represented by that ad. This might be good for any treatment center you are looking for or interesting sites relate to recovery.

You can also find copies of the books I refer to to in the blog entries by clicking on the blue name of the book. It will take you to Amazon who has the book for you to get.

Can't be simpler than that. But, if you run into trouble, write a comment here or send an email to thehappyhour2010@gmail.com and you'll get an answer.

All the best, Roger

Coincidences...

are, we say in the rooms, God's way of maintaining anonymity. So, I think it is really no coincidence that the daily reading in Just For Today today is about relapse and the fact that I've had red wine on my mind for several days now.

I've found myself hallucinating about red wine ever since I mentioned it to one of my patients as an example of how recovering people can get blasts of stinking thinking even after years of recovery. I told him that occasionally I will get thoughts that I can drink red wine, with meals, toasts to good fortune, and to chill out after a hard day's work. These are fleeting thoughts, but nonetheless powerful indicators that the disease of addiction lingers within me and can spring out in any number of ways.

"I never got arrested for drinking red wine" I say to myself, or "I never had a problem with black outs or vomiting my guts out or hangovers or any other of a number of things that I experienced with other drugs." So, I sometimes wonder, "What's the big deal?"

Well, there is a big deal. I forget sometimes - unless I play the tape in my head through to the bitter end - that I never had just one glass of red wine with a steak dinner. No, I had a bottle or more. In addition, I forget that I never really bought just one bottle of red wine toward the end of my drinking career, but I used to buy cases of a brand of red wine that I had shipped in from overseas. Moreover, drinking red wine always led to using other drugs. Like they say in the rooms, I did not always drink red wine when I used other drugs, but whenever I drank red wine I always used other drugs. THIS is the big deal.

Even though it has been many years now since my last glass of any alcohol I am vulnerable to the thought that red wine can take me out in an instant. One of the areas that will suffer the most is my spiritual health. As today's reading says, "the spiritual death that we experience when we are separated from our Higher Power" is the big cost to giving in to these hallucinations about drinking.

Today, that is a price I am unwilling to play. Whenever I get these thoughts, I pray, not so much for them to go away, as with the idea behind Step 11 that asks me to only pray for "knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out." When I seek knowledge of my Higher Power's will for me it becomes clear: I cannot drink red wine safely. Then, once armed with the truth, I get the power to carry out that will. Frankly, this is the only thing that keeps me away from red wine and I am eternally grateful for the ability to push myself away from that table.

All the best, Roger