We are not alone...

On page 94 of the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text it reads, "We re-evaluate our old ideas, so we can become acquainted with the new ideas that lead to a new way of life." One of the old ideas I had to abandon in recovery was that I can go through life alone, solving my own problems my way, and not reaching out for help to anyone. That is not the way recovery works.

For me, there was one lesson that I learned early in life: You had to solve your own problems. I was taught to be independent, to not rely on anyone, to be self-sustaining. I was told that to be a real man, one needed to prove to the world that he could handle the problems of life without recourse to others. That to seek help was a sign of weakness was ingrained in me. And, that there was no one out there who would care enough about me to help me through life was the hallmark of the dog-eat-dog world I lived in. This was not just taught by those closest to me, but seemingly by every man I came into contact with who appeared to be going their own way through life and rising or falling based on their own skills and talents and sometime luck. Consequently, I found as a young man that the world was a harsh and uncompromising place that expected me to re-invent solutions to problems. This meant I was alone in confronting the difficulties of having and maintaining relationships, of finding and sustaining employment, of negotiating agreements with my peers, and of reconciling myself with God and spiritual principles.

These were very old ideas, indeed. They carried me from adolescence through my early 40s. They turned out to be the guiding principles of a failure in life to survive the "slings and arrows of outrageous deceits" that could be perpetrated on any one of us. And, they led to a breakdown in my ability to function as a man. Late into my teens I first turned to alcohol and then to other drugs to help me cope with this failure to manage life's problems. Drugs did for me what I thought I could no longer do for myself. And, the old idea that I could go it alone resulted in my best efforts to make sense of the world through the use of chemicals that eventually betrayed me by also failing to produce the victories in life I thought I could experience with them.

When I first got clean from drugs I quickly learned that I could not stay sober alone. I did not know the first thing about recovery after leaving a treatment facility when I was 40 years old, and, if I was to use the way I had been taught to go it alone, I had the intuitive sense that I would fail. I had been introduced to the fellowship of Narcotic Anonymous during treatment and one of its key ideas is that I, alone, am completely powerless over alcohol and other drugs. So, if I was to make it, I needed to reach out to others and get help and advice as to how I could survive. Those messages came to me in the form of the 12 Steps of recovery and it's no coincidence that the Second Step suggests that only through reaching out to a power greater than myself could I have hope for recovery. I was taught by my sponsor that I had to abandon the idea that I could do it alone and first turn to the Fellowship for help and then come to believe the was power for me by help from the God of my own understanding.

That was how I came to understand that there was a new way of thinking that could lead to a new way of life. No longer did I have to figure out recovery on my own. No longer did I have to stand alone, stalwart against the onslaught of relapse warning signs and symptoms. Moreover, no longer did I have to grapple with life-long problems of reconciling myself to my God and the spiritual principles that I wanted to guide my life. To this day I find, through the 12 Step Fellowships, the help and guidance I need as a mature man to make it through and successfully cope with life on life's terms.

This is gratifying. Because I had help I now can look back on victories over problems rather than defeats. I can see that no matter how life goes, I will survive. I can rely on people to help me today. This has made all the difference in my recovery and allowed me to live a productive life. For that, I am eternally grateful.

All the best, Roger W.