Pleasure Unwoven...

I'm not one to say, "I've seen it all", because I believe there is so much to learn out in this world that a person can hardly keep up with basic information about personal and professional subjects. However, I have seen a lot when it comes to the field of addictions, and I'm not often surprised by what I read or watch.

Recently something new did show up on the radar, and I was very surprised. It's a video that was produced by Dr. Kevin McCauley at the Institute for Addiction Study in Utah called, "Pleasure Unwoven" (you can find a copy at the Institute's webs site, http://www.pleasureunwoven.com/). I've attached a short segment of the video below just to give you a taste, but I pass the information along on where to get the video because I feel it is the most carefully prepared and easily understood explanation of what it means to be addicted to drugs that I have ever seen.

I believe it's true that more than 8 out of 10 people are touched by addiction. Either it is themselves who are addicted to people, places, things, or situations, or it is someone they know who is. In that case, it is really imperative that almost everyone come to know what is meant when professionals say that someone is addicted. Many of my friends and associates are confused about this matter. Given how some people who are addicted behave - with their selfish craving, lying, cheating and stealing to get their drugs, and near-brutal abuse of those around them - it is no wonder that even the most enlightened person will sometimes say, "Don't they know what is happening to them? Why don't they just stop?" Somehow, many people find that it is all well and good that modern science understands addictions to be a physical problem, but these same people cannot shake the fact that it still appears to be a moral failing in people who are addicted. Most often that's because many people believe that if we just look at addiction the way we look at other diseases, like diabetes or heart disease, then we will somehow be endorsing that addict's behavior and letting them off the hook.

Addiction is a disease. As Dr. McCauley says, "Addiction is a disease of choice", and it affects the most important organ in the human body...the brain. Addiction is a brain disease. "Pleasure Unwoven" is a fantastic look at that disease and how it can happen in a person, the natural course of the disease, and the usually fatal outcome. He does this in a wonderful way: He takes us for a tour of the magnificent Utah countryside and uses the natural wonder of it all as one giant prop to help explain how addiction works in the human brain. Clever, but also powerful. I have never seen it so simply and precisely explained before, and the video will - if you know a lot or very little about the disease - clarify everything.

If you are someone who knows someone with the disease of addiction, then you will want to watch this video. It will give you a picture of what you are dealing with when you interact with the brain of someone addicted to drugs, or behaviors, and it may be the most simple and effective way you will be able to know what to do when you are confronted by that addicted person.

All the best, Roger W.

Dissertation update...

Many of you have asked me about the progress I'm making on my Ph.D. dissertation, so I thought it might be a good idea to explain where I am in this long, drawn out process.

My dissertation is entitled, "The Lived Experience of an Enduring Spiritual Transformation in the Everyday Lives of Alcoholic Men in Recovery". I'm going to study how 8-10 men who have been clean and sober for at least 5 years describe what it is like to live everyday with the effects of what was a spiritual transformation they have experienced at some point in their lives. It's a well-known fact - and certainly something that AA strongly emphasizes - that in order to remain clean and sober for any length of time, people need to have some form of fundamental change take place in their lives. Very often, this takes the form of some spiritual change...a visceral movement from the state of having little to no spirituality in daily life to having power that comes from a non-material source in a person's world. It is the movement from dark night of addiction to the light of recovery. It's this phenomenon that I will study.


Right now, I am preparing for the research itself. This takes the form of jumping through a number of hoops that the university makes me go through in order to do good research and have valuable results. I am working on the basic outline of the project right now with all the considerations from the purpose of the study through definitions of terms and ethical considerations. In a month or so I will start writing the actual proposal to the university that has to be approved by the Dean. They have already approved of the topic, but this proposal will review the entire scope of the research and receive their sign of approval. Later on it will be necessary to go through yet another phase where I need to get the approval of the Institutional Review Board, an organization of professors who try to ensure that no one is physically or psychologically injured as a result of the study and that all ethical guidelines have been met. Finally, sometime in the Fall or Winter, I need to get my committee of three professors to OK the work. THEN...I am ready to start the actual work of researching with participants. The final results ought to be available in the Summer of 2011. The dissertation itself will be written for several months. Then I need to defend the project with my committee who will finally sign off on it sometime before 2012.

Certainly it is a lot of work. But, I reason that I am into this whole thing so far right now that I couldn't drop it even if I wanted to. Besides, to me, this is fun! My friend George can't believe that anyone would be stupid enough to put up with this kind of schedule, and generally thinks I am out of my mind. Fact is, I know I'm out of my mind for all this, but I like being there and will put up with all these academic types telling me what to do and how to do it. After all, I want to get into their organization, called "Club Ph.D.", and they are not going to make it easy for me to get there, so I need to do the work.

"Keep your eyes on the prize" was the old civil rights slogan, and it certainly applies to a project as immense as this Ph.D. After all, there was a time in my life when I couldn't see myself fulfilling this kind of dream, so I am grateful for the chance to even be doing it. Compared to the Ph.D., the rest of my work life has been merely preparation for this degree...a tiny boat to keep me afloat. THIS project is my new, super-duper, ocean-going, brand-spanking-new cruise ship. And, I love it!

All the best, Roger W.

Bill W Film #6...

It's time for another segment of the film Bill W. made shortly before his death about his story of recovery from active alcoholism. While Bill is often seen as a pompous and grandiose man who is often given to flowery language and an indirect style, we must keep in mind that this was a man raised at the turn of the last century in a classic New England town. Until he went to Europe in World War I, Bill had not been outside his native Vermont, and his narrow view of normal life was colored by the clipped speech and quirky mannerisms some old New Englanders had. So, by the time this film was made in the mid-20th century, Bill's character was deeply ingrained with not only a high degree of formality, but also some of the weariness that accompanies having survived near-death experiences several times in his life.

In this 6-minute clip, Bill talks about how Dr. Bob prepared for the last day he performed a surgery with the withdrawals stemming from a real alcohol-induced bender. He concludes it by talking about how he and Dr. Bob carried that first message of the hope for recovery to an alcoholic in a hospital bed, and how that man reacted to the two men whom he said, "Really know the score".

So, sit back and enjoy!

All the best, Roger W.

Back to Business...

Now that some of my family have left for home, it's time to get back to the basic routines and business of my life.

Activities of daily living can be boring at times. The rising, showering, shaving, and brushing the beard every morning can get old unless I remember that there was a time when I wouldn't do these things because of a deep depression. For quite a while during my drinking and drugging heyday I managed to keep things together. In fact, I seemed to always have work and needed to function in my daily life, so I tried to look good and take care of myself. But then, around the end, it became obvious I didn't care any more and gave up on taking care of myself. Oddly enough, when I got clean, psychological functioning didn't get better at first: In fact, I slumped even more into depression at the beginning of recovery and let myself go completely at times. I think of those days today when I am getting ready for work, grateful for having the chance to take care of myself and certainly grateful for having a job to go to that encourages me to do that.

Today's reading in NA's Just for Today reaffirms this. In "Old Dreams Needn't Die", the reading talks about how our dreams were dashed when we were using because we pursued pleasure at all cost and put our futures on hold. Recovery gives us the daily chance to renew our dreams. We find that "our lost dreams can still come true" when we practice recovering principles in our daily life, and we discover things about ourselves that we may not have known or appreciated. In my case, even coming late in recovery, I discovered the happiness that studying brought me and how pursuing my PhD gives me hope for a bright future. This is remarkable stuff indeed given how I squandered so much time ripping and running through my addicted lifestyle.

So, today, it's back to basics. It's renewing myself each day through activities of daily living that show the pride I have in myself and the constant pursuit of dreams that spur me on. This is all brought to me through the miracle of recovery in NA, my daily reprieve from the horrors of addiction. So long as I follow that way I have nothing to fear.

All the best, Roger W.

Joyous day...

What a wonderful day this is. Rebecca, Jay, Jack (my daughter, so-in-law and first grandson)and my Mom came to visit me today. The first time my family has come out to the mid-West to spend time with me. Couldn't wait! This is a proud Grandfather's keepsake photo of Jack taken by his Mom shortly before the flight took off...looks like he'll be flying the plan soon.

I ran around getting the apartment organized and shopped for some food for them (I'm on the NutriSystem diet and have my own goodie boxes to eat). Just trying to make their stay comfortable. What a comfort to know Jay, an EMT, is on the trip with my Mom, who is a spry 85 and a real adventurer. He can take care of her in ways others couldn't. And, to have daughter Becca here with Jack is a real treat. It's the first time I will have seen him since he was born and I'm dying to wrap my arms around him. I already bought him his first Pooh Bear and a real nice Xylophone (to make sure there's plenty of noise in the apartment all the time). So there's lots of anticipation.

And, to think that all of this is possible because I am clean and sober today! Were it not for the program of recovery I have practiced for years now, I doubt Becca would be in my life and certainly I would never see Jack. And, my Mom would undoubtedly be heart broken by my continued use or death due to using. I'm grateful to Narcotics Anonymous and all my friends in the fellowship that help me stay clean.

So, this is a special day indeed for me, and we're lookin' to have some good ole fun for the next few days.

All the best, Roger W.