Now that some of my family have left for home, it's time to get back to the basic routines and business of my life.
Activities of daily living can be boring at times. The rising, showering, shaving, and brushing the beard every morning can get old unless I remember that there was a time when I wouldn't do these things because of a deep depression. For quite a while during my drinking and drugging heyday I managed to keep things together. In fact, I seemed to always have work and needed to function in my daily life, so I tried to look good and take care of myself. But then, around the end, it became obvious I didn't care any more and gave up on taking care of myself. Oddly enough, when I got clean, psychological functioning didn't get better at first: In fact, I slumped even more into depression at the beginning of recovery and let myself go completely at times. I think of those days today when I am getting ready for work, grateful for having the chance to take care of myself and certainly grateful for having a job to go to that encourages me to do that.
Today's reading in NA's Just for Today reaffirms this. In "Old Dreams Needn't Die", the reading talks about how our dreams were dashed when we were using because we pursued pleasure at all cost and put our futures on hold. Recovery gives us the daily chance to renew our dreams. We find that "our lost dreams can still come true" when we practice recovering principles in our daily life, and we discover things about ourselves that we may not have known or appreciated. In my case, even coming late in recovery, I discovered the happiness that studying brought me and how pursuing my PhD gives me hope for a bright future. This is remarkable stuff indeed given how I squandered so much time ripping and running through my addicted lifestyle.
So, today, it's back to basics. It's renewing myself each day through activities of daily living that show the pride I have in myself and the constant pursuit of dreams that spur me on. This is all brought to me through the miracle of recovery in NA, my daily reprieve from the horrors of addiction. So long as I follow that way I have nothing to fear.
All the best, Roger W.
1 comment:
Roger, as usual you're right on point. Your comments took me back to thoughts of my past. I can remember not caring about or wanting to take care of my person. Even made more difficult by my constant chasing of drugs. I now realize what had been missing in my life during those times - ME! Today, because of the 12-step program that I'm a member of, I am a responsible member of society. At 60 years of age I have returned to school seeking a degree in Addiction Counseling, an field that I'm quite passionate about and of course I have a lot of experience in. I continue to be grateful and exercise humility in my day to day life experiences. JUST FOR TODAY.
A grateful Recovering Addict named Deb T.
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