New ideas...

The are some who say that the recovering person really has no need for new ideas, and that he or she gets along best with the same, old, recognized ideas they have already. For me, this could not be further from the truth.

Recovery depends on stretching beyond the known realm of my presentation to the world into the relatively unknown realm of emotions. This is really not a new idea even though some say that the notion of peeling back the outer shell of our defenses is a radical idea. Oh, many give lip service the the concept of disclosing feelings, but most people are content to live with the idea that he or she does not have to reach out to others for help, not bond with people who suffer the same problems as they do, and survive with their old defenses. For them, it is a dramatically new idea that recovery depends on emotional unity with others.

I was thinking about this the other day when it suddenly struck me how I have isolated many of my emotions in recovery. I spoke earlier in this journal of how fellowship is an imporant part of 12 Step recovery, but I fear that I have held back and not joined emotionally with my brothers and sisters in recovery as much as I should. In other words, I have not peeled back the outer shell enough for most others to see and experience. I have not expressed many different emotions to people except those that I give myself permission to express such as superficial anger or happiness. I have withheld them because I have the mistaken, old, recognized idea that people will not understand my deeper emotions or even care that I have them. There is also the lingering fear of humilitation, of having people say, "See...he's not as healthy as he appears", or "You can't go to him for guidance...he's as messed up as I am." These old ideas keep me sick and set up unnecessary pressures inside of me.

The new idea that Bill W. and Dr. Bob brought to the world of addiction was that we cannot recover alone. They proved that we need other addicts and alcoholics to help us through the problems of everyday life that are relapse warning signs, triggers or high risk situations that threaten our recovery. This is a new idea I have come to accept - on the surface - but, I sometimes don't find myself digging deeper to dislodge those critical emotions with other addicts such as loneliness, fear, dread, worry or confusion. I think this is what Bill and Bob were actually saying: We must get absolutely real with our friends in recovery and risk telling them exactly what is on our minds and in our hearts. Sharing this may not be comfortable, but it is necessary to ensure that these negative emotions lying beneath the surface of my life get expressed so I can strengthen my bonds with other addicts in recovery.

Therefore, I plan to do that very thing tonight when I speak at a meeting inside a local jail where those of us on the Narcotics Anonymous Hospitals & Institutions committee carry the message of recovery to men who cannot get out to regular NA meetings. I plan to get real with my emotions and tell them how numb I can sometimes feel, or how lonely it can be as a single person in this world, or how complacent I can become. I expect that more than one of them can relate to these feelings and, thereby, we can form a bond that is strong, enduring and precious. I know that as long as I follow the new ideas laid out for me by the principles of the NA program, I have nothing to fear.

All the best, Roger W.